::thEr.theR (in misery)::

Everyday, since the last week of school hols, had been becoming worst and worst for me. And I practically can't take it anymore. Not anymore. My life is so so shooo~ miserable. And i've been thinking..What's the point of living in it when it's so damn difficult to live in it...I'm practically blamed for almost anything and everything. And this is so unfair, IT'S SO NOT FAIR AT ALL. I'm blamed for not being able to ti3 liang4 my dad, I'm
said to have no ai4 xin1, I'm blamed fer' putting such a bad attitude and I'm blamed cause' I've practically upset the WHOLE family just now. I've never wished to be born with this damn bloody hard-to-accept attitude...but I'm just BORN with it! They never ever give a thought to why I'm actually putting up such a bad, hardie attitude, they just NEVER. All they assumed and know it's that,"I'm not a good girl, I'm not an obedient girl who will listen to them" They will never know it's they, who are the ones, that caused me to be this way. They say I'm owas so nice and good when I want something and after I get that something; I'll be like a devil. NO! I'm not like that...I'm never like that (between cries). I've never cried this hard before in my life...never...
And I'm not that kind who will shed tears over mini-myni things. So you might just say that this matter, that had happened not long ago(probably just a few mins ago) , had obviously give a real big impact to my life and it really did. No one will probably understand how I feel now...it's really bad and at this point of time, there's no one here to really comfort me and there will never be one. Cause'..no one will..i guess. I was in agony, and while she's saying all my "good deeds", i was crying...& crying and covering my ears to stop myself from hearing those words that are piercing through my heart one by one. It hurts and those words pierce thru really deeply & painfully...
If they really disliked me or hated me that much, i'll do as they wished. I'll come home late, if they want..I'll stay out of
the house as long as possible, if it really makes them so happy and angry-free...............Where is the love that i really yearn for? I really need it now...*cries*

Thought of the day::: What kind of a person am i really is? Am i bad?