sTrawbErRiE.

hhm.

so tired.

i tink im suffering frm sum slping disorder. my slping time shift liao. haRhArh. ytd slept only 3hrs. den force myself go to CO practice. for the whole dayy. alamakk. dead beat. fell aslp on the way back. harhArH. den go home so tired went to slp. slept at ard 7pm after eating dinner. slp till like twelve plus. den wake up so energetic, but its later at nite !! harhArh. den played with my bro and mum. whhiE~ played until ard 3am plus den went to slp. but i din slp. hurr. lie on my bed for like 2,3 hrs turning and turning and turning. and STILL turning. Lol. den in the end guess how i fell aslp? i fell aslp when pretending to be aslp. loL. farnni eh? ard 5am in the morning, my dadd woke up and i pretended to be aslp. scared later kena scolding for not slping. den dunno y.. pretend pretend in the end i fell aslp. haRhaRhaAraH.

okayy i dunno why i sayin this. all crapp. loL.

hhm. alot to sayy, but dun really noe how2 put it. and now i really believe i dun have any leadership quality in me. i like to be carefree and relaxed. dun like to be stepped. hArh. i just dun like being a sectional leader in CO. leader? not for mie. i do not like it. haRhAr. leader leader leader, why dun call it steppeder? being stepped by ppl de. think its so nice, so great? make it sound so nice. leader. hAhA. try experiencing having ppl calling u LEADER everytime. as if u have no proper name. wow, SO much respect given. hAhA. siau. i rather be a ordinary member. carefree n relax. dun have to be tied down by things like setting good example n e responsibility to ctrl ppl who jus dun think of ur feelings n other stupid things like these. mayb its one quality tt every leader shld have. to tolerate all these rubbish and still do a good job. but frankly saying, i tink i dun possess such super quality. and im quite sure bout it.

sumtimes bit envy esther. haRhah. hope she reading this. loL. her group so little ppl. how many? 1,2,3,4. 4 ppl onlly. and they all gals, close close dde. no nit her to ctrl them or wadd. den dizi and suona grp got coordinate themselves. haRhAh. am i rite, esther? tell me if im wrong. loL. welll, at least thats wat i c llor. or mayb she got other troubles i nv sense dde. haRha. but no choice llor. count me as suay llor. i din wan to be the leader in the first place. but i ald am. haRhAr. sumtimes slack abit also feel very guilty. but dun slack is like not being myself. haRhAh. so xin ku indeed. in the middle dunno which one. feel guilty or not be urself? haRhAh. both are not good. hhms. seriously, i just dun like to lead. and dun like to be stepped. lead? mayb u can say im lousy.. or useless. i just cant be a leader. and its liddat. like why is the skyy blue. haRhahAh. for a person like me.. petty,easily irritated and insulted. being a leader can make me vomit blood everytime.

haRhaH.

being a leader, u nit to bear all responsibility for everything and anything. u nit to guide ur juniors. u nit to hear ppl calling u "leader" just becos they think its so nice. (and that is the only times in my life when i'd rather someone call me by me name. errr? lOL) in fact, i think its so pressurizing, and sumtimes.. irritating. loL. u also nit to coordinate the whole grp. and i hate it. coordinate? hhur. like anybody will listen. and as if i noe how to coordinate them. i myself having problems liao.. how to help other ppl, i've no idea. i dun seem to understand why sectional leaders have to be good in the instrument. and the bad thing is.. im so not good at cello at all. den still have to set good example, i oso dunno how liao.. i thot the leader is only to ctrl the grp and do other things? haiix. i din know i have to be good at playing the instrument. Lol. and sumtimes i wish i am good at it. at least i can teach my juniors. rather den dunno how to play n dunno how2 teach them. but tooo bad, its just liddat de. like why is the sky blue. im just not good at playing the cello. even though i love playing it. hhur. i know i can improve on it. but right now.. i dun seem to be having any improvement. Lol. tooo bad.

:b

and even as the normal me without any post, i ald hate ppl who dun show me respect. welll, and those who boss me ard. and as a leader, i totally hate those ppl who dun gimme respect and somemore act like he/she is the leader. hhur. even though i admit that im not capable of being a good leader.. but at least i nit sum respect. even as a normal person. haRh. but i dun seem to be getting any. hmm. or mayb im just exaggerating. Lol. im sensitive, u noe... ? ahahha. yeaa.

haiix.

nowadays very broke. no money. no choice. loL :b


i believe facts cant be denied. at least, facts bout me. nobody understands me better den i do. so i cant be wrong bout myself. i do noe myself. and in fact, im still trying to know myself better. and i think its a good thing.. i believe theres a cause behind every feeling and thinking i have. and i find out the cause. and i find solutions. and solve my troubles. so in the process of understanding myself more.. i learn to take things easy and accept reality like the sky is just blue. if u ever wonder why things are liddat, think the sky is blue. things are liddat becos its liddat. why is the sky blue ?? its just blue. and its a fact that cant be change. so.. learn to take things easy and accept it. haRhAh. sounds weird but at least thats how i comfort myself. loL.

yyAy!! i did one jianbao ald. wat an accomplishment. Lol. muz celebrate for 49 days liao. hahaha. errrrr :b okayy lame rite. i noe!!! loL.

guess muz end here liao. can c that most ppl are aslp liao. harHarHaH. so much crap. bYEbYE ppl. siyaa. and pls..

think the sky is blue. becoz its blue. hahahaRh.

((:












xD




LoVe miE.