the hurt and unwanted -

yes its meei.
JUNNY the unwanted.
LOL lameness.








ok great.
MY THROAT IS HURTING AGAIN.
i just wish the throat can stop irritating me.
IT WAS OK YTD.
until at nite, i was jus lying on my stupid bed and before i know it.
it's hurting again.
WTH LOR.
I DRANK ALOT OF WATER YTD.
k.
basically, i dunno what shit i want.
and i dunno wat shit my throat wants.
HURRness.

oh yea,
anyway,
SS paper was so horrifying.
haha.
yes i can write and think fast.
but not that fast can.
LOL.
i think, whoever completed that paper and do well for it, is jus so not human.
LOL.
i din even write a word for the last SB question.
haha.
think gonna study hard for history.
hope i can concentrate better for history.

beginning to understand why i can express my feelings out so well.
that's becos i know myself so well ((:
i know myself too well.
so well that i hate it sumtimes.
cos i cant lie to myself.
never ever.
i can lie to the whole entire world.
the whole world but not me.
yes i can be lying to myself.
but at the same time,
i know i'm lying to myself.
even if i force myself to think liddat..
well,
i know deep down what exactly i want and what exactly is thinking.
i know.
i always do.
that is also why normally i dun really use the word dunno when it comes to my thoughts and feelings.
i do know.
every single time smth happens.
i know exactly what i wanna do bout it, i know what i'm gonna think bout it.
i know how exactly i'm gonna react to it in future.
i know exactly how i'm feeling bout it deep in my heart.
dun nit any time.
i dun nit any time to get those.
i'm just liddat.
i dunno whether it's a good or bad thing.
LOLL.
that i'm born liddat.
that i just understand myself so well.
i know what i want and everything.
and sumtimes, this really hurts.
i'd rather lie to the whole wide world and myself that i'm so ok with things.
rather den lie to everybody yet deep down in my heart still fighting back the tears as i lie with a smile.
contradiction within me.
what exactly i do wan ?
i know.
i just wanna hide all the sadness inside me.
basically, none of my friends have really seen me cry out.
totally crying.
none.
not even sam , or trish, or evie.
not dots and ther too.
ok, mayb him.
but that's how much i hide.
i just hide.
hide everything inside me.
i can look like i'm so attitude and heck care.
but u guys nv know how much i cry a day.
esp this few months.
haha.
and now, crying is jus totally nth to me.
nth.
i can start crying and just so ok with it.
it's just part of my life now.
crying is just one of the things i do everyday.
so normal for me.
and him.
mayb my cryings is nth to him too.
guess so.
from previous reactions.
LOL.
am i sayin too much here i dunno.
:b

mayb i'm just a crybaby la.
ok not mayb.
I AM.
lol.
a crybaby that nobody wants.
yes i love and want myself so much.
but seems like noboy else wants me.
wadever k.
not my prob la, whether u wan me.
LOL.
haiii.
getting tired of living.
wanna just die off la.
DUN STOP ME.
lol.
thanks louis anyway,
for introducing me all the diff types of ways to end my pathetic life.
( which includes hanging, jumping down the building, soakin myself in water to let water enter my idiotic lungs, bang my head against the wall, drinkin detergent etc .. )
LOL
i can try one of those one day.
make u guilty all ur life.
LOL.
kidding la.

hmmm.
feeling better today.
guess so.
well cried myself to slp ytd.
din wanna wait anymore.
din wanna stare into the blank phone again.
just decided to slp early to stop myself from waiting and thinking.
know myself too well.
know i gonna cry even harder if i just stay up.
so decided to slp early.
though i still did things that so damn show i'm still hoping.
deep down in my heart.
guess i'm not gonna stop hoping.
never.
i'm still hoping.
even now.
hmmm.
pathetic me.
haii.
i jus wanna die off..
tired ald.
nobody wants me anyway....




- to you
i understand what u mean.
i get what u are doing.
but i'm jus hurt.
totally hurt and unwanted here.
dun expect me to smile nicely anymore.
no more.
i've enough of hoping and hoping.
not knowing whether it will ever come.
u left the island just like that.
u said u will be back.
u told me u still wanna come back to this island one day.
and i'm suppose to wait here?
wait all alone here.
out in the cold and hunger.
u bear to?
i'm starving out in the cold here.
crying and hurt.
u bear to leave me in this island ?
i think i shld leave too.
mayb to find another happy island or ours.
another sunny island wiht lots of hope and happiness.
not this island anymore.
i know myself too well.
i love this island alot.
but i hate it too .
it reminds me that i'm left alone here.
totally abandoned here.
i dun want that.

mayb there's some bond between us after all.
it so happened i set the alarm to wake me up at twelve.
i dunno why twelve.
i dunno why i set the alarm.
becos i know u gonna sms me?
that is amazing but true.
it just came.
and for that weird moment,
i thot we are linked up.
are we thinking of the same thing?
( :

u dun wanna talk to me anyway.
forget it.
bye.






//*
number of times cried on 8th /5 - uncountable.
number of times cried on 9th /5 - five.


























JUNNY WILL DIE OFF.
NOW.