JUNNY .


yawn.
ok, i so cannot stand myself. HAArness. yayyyy :D i was in the rain yesterday. played so wildly in the rain. jumping at every puddle of water i see. haharr. i love being in the rain. it gives me a very wild feeling. carefree.
a carefree feeling.
harhahh. hmmm, totally went crazy today. i dunno why. i'm mad. cant control my emotions properly this few days. weird eh. basically, i dunno what i'm sayin now. not really concentrating, i'm distracted by some things. some things. i dun wanna name it here. HAHAHar.

madness.
it was madness. i went crazy just now. after i woke up from crying. i was so damn angry. i was so damn irritated.
and i wrote the following ...

- 459 pm

" now i know. i know who in this stupid world hates me the most. it's me. i hate myself the most. i've never hated anybody the way i hate myself now. who could hate herself to the extend of wanting to kill herself ? me. i wish i can jus shut up and die. why do i even exist...

i'm jus angry with myself. i've been crying for dunno how many idiot times today and wanting to cry dunno how many million times. for wat? becos i'm stupid. who else in this world can be as stupid as me? who else in this world can cry for the whole damn day bout absolutely nth thinkng it's smth? nobody. only me. only i'm that stupid. i deserve some bashing. because i'm stupid. damn stupid. i just cry and cry and cry and cry bout some microscopic matters and only to cry even louder in the end realising how stupid and hopeless i am. stupid ppl with absolutely no brain like me dun deserve to live at all. i dun even know why in the world do i exist. becos i'm stupid ? mayb heaven wants to let me know how stupid i am and shldn't even be alive. i know that now. i took 15 yrs to understand the fact that i'm stupid and should not even exist. how slow. i'm jus a stupid crybaby who dun deserve a life. dun ask me to get a lfe. cos i dun deserve a life at all. get what i mean ?

anger . hatred . frustration . depression . pain . worries .
all these are driving me crazy. i'm going crazy. i am crazy. i dunno wat am i thinking bout. i dunno how my brain works. well, how to when i'm positive i dun have a brain? i ald reach the point of time i cant control myself anymore. nobody will be able to control me. i cant even control myself. dun worry, u still can come near me. if i lose control of myself, i will jus grab a knife and stab myself to death. nobody will be in danger. nobody, except me, ok ?

i dunno what kinda life i'm having now. some crazy life with rubbish. i just imagine things happening and get happy bout them. and i will start crying the next moment realising it's jus my imagination. great. mayb i will den cry till i go blind some day bout stupid things. or mayb start hallucinating about things that are so not gonna happen. and live everyday in hallucination. and die in the end without knowing that i'm dying.
how stupid can i get ?

so much for wanting to bring happines to people. how to when i'm so stupid ? i dunno what shit i'm thinking, it's just things that dun make sense. just becos i waited ? i've no idea what kinda brain i have. i dun get why i think so damn stupidly. mayb i should jus die. nobody in this world can stand me anyway. i cant even stand myself. i dun ever love myslf abit, i expect u never to stop loving me. what kinda shit thinking is this, i dunno. i dun blame anybody anymore. i dun blame you anymore. even if u hate me, i dun blame you. i dun blame you for leaving me, i wont anymore. i hate myself too. i wanna leave myself too. i know what u mean now. i'm irritating the hell out of myself. and i cant stand myself too.
great.

i cant protect my heart anymore. are u still there ? you are gone. i cant hold back the bleeding pieces it broke into. i cant anymore. my heart is gone. are you still there? you told me u haven leave me, you are in my heart. but where are u now ? i've no heart now.. "

hahaaR.
i like the way i write when i'm agitated. when i'm depressed. when i'm crying.
lol. most of the time the words are ald in my head. all i have to do is get a pen and paper and all the words like the above will spill all out. i dun think when i write. i think finish den write.
hahaar.
and normally times like this, i express out my feelings so well i feel better after writing. I LOVE WRITING. hahaaa. haii. i have ENOUGH of myself. i wish i can give the world peace. hahahahhhahaharrhaarhhaahahahahah.
i will do anything, to give u peace and happiness...

messages to you ppl out there ("

ther .
hey gurl, sorry for my attitude. I'M LIDDAT. like i said, nobody can stand me. i cant stand myself too. so i dun expect u to be able to stand me. hahaa. stay happy. cheers *

dots .
dun everything say dunno la. i dunno u happy not, cos basically u dun tell me anything. hahahhr. anyway, no matter what it is. thanks for tolerating my attitude and be happy. cheers *

louis .
u can dun think so much not. sumtimes u think more than i think. IT'S WAY TOO MUCH. stop thinking so much. extra ah u. LOLL. stay happy too. continue being positive hahahharr. cheers *

sam .
U ARE IRRITATING. haha. ( i know u wont be reading this.) can u like change yer hp? me and evie and tricia beg u. HAHAHA. lame. okay, CARRY ON BEING HAPPY PLS. U ARE THE ONE INFLUENCING ME TO BE HAPPY. hahaha. cheers*

trish .
sorry. lol. sorry for having to entertain me so many million times when i'm depressed and sian. HAHAArrs. talk slower pls. i can talk very fast too. BUT TALK SLOWER LA, there's plenty of time for u to talk. talk to mie more kkays ? HAHAA. cheers*

faye .
WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY. haha. i hate you !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lollll lame. stop behaving like one mad woman. i know u are one, u dun have to act like one to let me know u are one. HAHAAH. stay cute and attractive kkay ? smiles. miss ya. cheers*

you .
dunno u happy not. if you're happy, continue being happy ! if u are upset bout smth, dun be upset pls, cheer up baa. i will do anything to let u be happy. u can kill me if it makes u happy. i dun care bout myself anymore (" i will give u peace and happiness by disappearing. kay ? but i hope u dun mind the way i appear out of nth. i'm nuts, in case u forgot. stay happy pls. smiles. dun stop smiling when u see me kay. get well soon. dun fall sick again. take care of yerelf pls. drink water. missing you (" cheers*

the world .
i will shut up and get outta you. peace to you. cheers*

myself .
shut up and give ppl some happiness and peace by disappearing. ihateyou now. really. HAHAA.

MADNESS.
i get lost kay ppl.
smiles.
be happy.
huggs ("
byye.

number of times cried on 17th - five.
number of times cried on 18th - uncountable.
number of times cried on 19th - one.
number of times cried on 20th - uncountable.

i cant protect my heart anymore. are you still in my heart? you are gone. i cant hold back the bleeding pieces it broke into. my heart. i cant anymore. are you still in my heart? you told me you haven leave me, you are in my heart. but whr are u now? when i've no heart now...






















































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