Y
23 August 2005
23 August 2005
JUN.
next time u see a post of mine on this blog. dun be too happy, unless u hate me. cos when i've desires to blog, it simply implies that i'm feeling down. or certainly... depressed.
yawn yawn. hi everybody :)
okeh. i'm feeling so stressed up man. about everything in this whole damn world. every single thing. i cant say them out anymore. i cant say anything here anymore. i reckoned i cant express too much here, though i wan to. considering the negative effects that will be caused, i've decided i wont say anything anymore. it's jus agony, anyway.
smiles smiles. how fake. is happiness really all bout laughing and smiling and looking... happy ? i seriously dun think so. i can look happy but feel miserable, look totally depressed but is actually overjoyed. trust me on that :) yes. blame me for being lame if u want to, that's simply how i feel. HAHA. whatever it is, nobody ever agrees with me anyway. when was i ever right in anybody's opinion? when was i ever logical ? seems like not even once. that's becos i'm stupid, in other words, my opinions are simply crap. u dun really have to think much about them. they are said by me anyway. the absolutely not impt. i certainly feel tiny in this ridiculously big world. this world with alot that i hate. esp those in round shape, haha, dun ask me why and what in exact. i won't say. and u dun have to guess too, cos i can tell u, u are wrong :) i've said too much in the past. i won't give myself away anymore in future. i think nobody understands what i'm saying. too bad. no sane ppl actually understands what i'm saying.
stress.stress.stress.
how many million tests in just one week. i can die easily. i'm competing with time. i'm competing with alot of factors. and indeed, it's really pressurizing. i hate it so much. this frustration. all this. everything. i'm not gonna say what in exact though. i cant :) wwjd? as written on ther's hand. when will jun die? indeed.. if u really wanna know,ther. i can tell u and reassure you, it'd be soon. i wish.. so that means i wont die that soon after all. cos according to everything in the past fifteen years, everything i've wished for never comes true. whether my staying alive is fortunate for you or unfortunate for you. i've no idea actually. i dun wanna know too :) i dun really give a damn now bout things. i'm thinking enough ald. my head is bursting and the feeling in me are just gonna burn me to death. is that gonna happen? no. cos what i wish have never ever come true. haha. total crap. it's jus me to talk rubbish when i'm feeling down and cant say anything bout it here :) laugh please. laugh at my nonsenses HAHA o.o
sitting on 358 this mornin, i felt like crying. why ? i think i'm too tired. i feel like giving up. i've never succeeded. am i going to succeed this one last time ? am i going to do it after all ? it's seems like a no to me. and i really wish somebody can talk to me at that moment. definitely not me dad :b or mayb receiving a sms will help distract me from my misery. but sadly, nth of that sort happened. the fatigue is making me wanna cry out loud. my appetite is certainly getting worse. i dun feel like eating at all. but dun worry.. i'm not anorexic:) i still love cookiesandcream ice cream, potato salad and pastas from pasta mania. buy them for me if u have extra cash. haha. i'm deprived of chocolates anyway. will any kind soul buy some for me ? mayb i can persuade my sis into buying some for me. LOL. she's really nice:) *shivers. it's really cold here now. it's really cold nowadays in fact. i dun even nit jackets in the past. i dun even wan to wear them. but i actually have been bringing jacket to sch recently. how adnormal indeed. mayb i've some kinda illness where my body temperature decreases daily. how nice. mayb by the end of today i'd be ice:) great.
YIPPPEE.
the holidays are coming. nothing to be happy about actually. there'd be lessons and cca practices as usual. but i'm jus glad i dun have to go to sch for one week. as in going to sch for normal lessons. everything sucks so much when i'm in sch. jus cos of those minor microscopic idiotic reasons. which i'm so not gonna tell :) mayb i'm ald making a mistake by mentioning the existance of those reasons. but whatever - i dun wanna think so much anymore. having to consider so much when i blog is certainly irritating. i'm never right anyway. so i reckon i cant stop myself from doing stupid things after all. how can a stupid mind think and prevent stupid things from happening? absolutely impossible. haha. take this as a joke. cos i meant it as a joke actually. i dun think i'm stupid. the word is annoying. i'm annoying actually :) gimme credit for knowing that. i'm annoying :)
okeh whatever my craps. haha.
i wish i can jus laugh my troubles away. but from experience, i've realised even if i laugh from morning to midnight, my troubles wont dissolve into the air. they did be still stuck in my amazingly small brain. yes. and crying certainly dun dissolve my troubles too. so it has been proven that my troubles are insoluble. haha. how chemistry :) though crying does makes me feel better, i'm not gonna allow myself to tear anymore. i seriously dunno why. so dun ask me. [ i'm so cold now my fingers can hardly move. god, am i dying ? ] so i've decided to face my troubles, however hedious they are. they are actually a part of me :) despite the fact that i totally detest them. haha. i truly wish somebody can help me in the process of fighting this war against coldness and fustration. but seems like everybody is jus too busy to notice i'm fighting this war. the war of me against coldness and frustration. never mind actually. it's nice to know that i'm still alive and kicking, without much help :) thanks to those who make me laugh. laughing dun dissolve my troubles but it certainly help me relax. thanks ppl, whether u made me laugh intentionally or unintentionally. u jus made me laugh :) u made a depressed soul relax :) HAHA.
ther is suggesting to me that i write about the assembly performance. thanks but i'd rather not talk bout it. haha. okeh. let's talk bout how shitty my test results are. i'v been failing more than ever in my life. i dun wan to believe it actually. i'm failing more than ever, and this is indeed adding more stress than ever to me. how great. as if i haven have enough stress. haha. the upcoming tests are making me wanna cry. i cant really take it anymore, to be frank. i ald have alot of things that i simply cant tell anyone. it's weird though, why am i still alive? i've always know myself as the mentally weak one. i jus find it weird why i still haven start sliting my wrist or banging my head against the wall. but thank whoever, i survived whatever shit there was last time. which make me think i can survive whatever that comes to me in future. positive thinking, indeed. nobody can help me. mayb nobody wants to help me. but i can help myself and i certainly want to help myself with surviving in this idiotic world:) cos after all.. i love myself quite alot. deaspite how hedious and irritatingly stupid i am :) haha. learn this from me. haha ! u can actually hate and love yerself at the same time.
LOL.
this is actually yet another nonsense of mine :) thanks for reading it anyway, it somehow means that u care bout me. whoever u are :) pls be remainded once again, i fell in love with yellow. and i'm loving it more than ever. i'm also loving myself now, i wont deny it :) and pls also take note that i simply and weirdly hate round stuffs. one great example would be my face. though not exactly round haha. it's time i learn how to express the right expressions at the right time. wrong expressions can bring in alot of troubles. indeed :) haha.
love me . love the world . love him although he has lots of flaws.
much as u wanna know about things, i wanna hide the things.
simplyjun . the depressed -
next time u see a post of mine on this blog. dun be too happy, unless u hate me. cos when i've desires to blog, it simply implies that i'm feeling down. or certainly... depressed.
yawn yawn. hi everybody :)
okeh. i'm feeling so stressed up man. about everything in this whole damn world. every single thing. i cant say them out anymore. i cant say anything here anymore. i reckoned i cant express too much here, though i wan to. considering the negative effects that will be caused, i've decided i wont say anything anymore. it's jus agony, anyway.
smiles smiles. how fake. is happiness really all bout laughing and smiling and looking... happy ? i seriously dun think so. i can look happy but feel miserable, look totally depressed but is actually overjoyed. trust me on that :) yes. blame me for being lame if u want to, that's simply how i feel. HAHA. whatever it is, nobody ever agrees with me anyway. when was i ever right in anybody's opinion? when was i ever logical ? seems like not even once. that's becos i'm stupid, in other words, my opinions are simply crap. u dun really have to think much about them. they are said by me anyway. the absolutely not impt. i certainly feel tiny in this ridiculously big world. this world with alot that i hate. esp those in round shape, haha, dun ask me why and what in exact. i won't say. and u dun have to guess too, cos i can tell u, u are wrong :) i've said too much in the past. i won't give myself away anymore in future. i think nobody understands what i'm saying. too bad. no sane ppl actually understands what i'm saying.
stress.stress.stress.
how many million tests in just one week. i can die easily. i'm competing with time. i'm competing with alot of factors. and indeed, it's really pressurizing. i hate it so much. this frustration. all this. everything. i'm not gonna say what in exact though. i cant :) wwjd? as written on ther's hand. when will jun die? indeed.. if u really wanna know,ther. i can tell u and reassure you, it'd be soon. i wish.. so that means i wont die that soon after all. cos according to everything in the past fifteen years, everything i've wished for never comes true. whether my staying alive is fortunate for you or unfortunate for you. i've no idea actually. i dun wanna know too :) i dun really give a damn now bout things. i'm thinking enough ald. my head is bursting and the feeling in me are just gonna burn me to death. is that gonna happen? no. cos what i wish have never ever come true. haha. total crap. it's jus me to talk rubbish when i'm feeling down and cant say anything bout it here :) laugh please. laugh at my nonsenses HAHA o.o
sitting on 358 this mornin, i felt like crying. why ? i think i'm too tired. i feel like giving up. i've never succeeded. am i going to succeed this one last time ? am i going to do it after all ? it's seems like a no to me. and i really wish somebody can talk to me at that moment. definitely not me dad :b or mayb receiving a sms will help distract me from my misery. but sadly, nth of that sort happened. the fatigue is making me wanna cry out loud. my appetite is certainly getting worse. i dun feel like eating at all. but dun worry.. i'm not anorexic:) i still love cookiesandcream ice cream, potato salad and pastas from pasta mania. buy them for me if u have extra cash. haha. i'm deprived of chocolates anyway. will any kind soul buy some for me ? mayb i can persuade my sis into buying some for me. LOL. she's really nice:) *shivers. it's really cold here now. it's really cold nowadays in fact. i dun even nit jackets in the past. i dun even wan to wear them. but i actually have been bringing jacket to sch recently. how adnormal indeed. mayb i've some kinda illness where my body temperature decreases daily. how nice. mayb by the end of today i'd be ice:) great.
YIPPPEE.
the holidays are coming. nothing to be happy about actually. there'd be lessons and cca practices as usual. but i'm jus glad i dun have to go to sch for one week. as in going to sch for normal lessons. everything sucks so much when i'm in sch. jus cos of those minor microscopic idiotic reasons. which i'm so not gonna tell :) mayb i'm ald making a mistake by mentioning the existance of those reasons. but whatever - i dun wanna think so much anymore. having to consider so much when i blog is certainly irritating. i'm never right anyway. so i reckon i cant stop myself from doing stupid things after all. how can a stupid mind think and prevent stupid things from happening? absolutely impossible. haha. take this as a joke. cos i meant it as a joke actually. i dun think i'm stupid. the word is annoying. i'm annoying actually :) gimme credit for knowing that. i'm annoying :)
okeh whatever my craps. haha.
i wish i can jus laugh my troubles away. but from experience, i've realised even if i laugh from morning to midnight, my troubles wont dissolve into the air. they did be still stuck in my amazingly small brain. yes. and crying certainly dun dissolve my troubles too. so it has been proven that my troubles are insoluble. haha. how chemistry :) though crying does makes me feel better, i'm not gonna allow myself to tear anymore. i seriously dunno why. so dun ask me. [ i'm so cold now my fingers can hardly move. god, am i dying ? ] so i've decided to face my troubles, however hedious they are. they are actually a part of me :) despite the fact that i totally detest them. haha. i truly wish somebody can help me in the process of fighting this war against coldness and fustration. but seems like everybody is jus too busy to notice i'm fighting this war. the war of me against coldness and frustration. never mind actually. it's nice to know that i'm still alive and kicking, without much help :) thanks to those who make me laugh. laughing dun dissolve my troubles but it certainly help me relax. thanks ppl, whether u made me laugh intentionally or unintentionally. u jus made me laugh :) u made a depressed soul relax :) HAHA.
ther is suggesting to me that i write about the assembly performance. thanks but i'd rather not talk bout it. haha. okeh. let's talk bout how shitty my test results are. i'v been failing more than ever in my life. i dun wan to believe it actually. i'm failing more than ever, and this is indeed adding more stress than ever to me. how great. as if i haven have enough stress. haha. the upcoming tests are making me wanna cry. i cant really take it anymore, to be frank. i ald have alot of things that i simply cant tell anyone. it's weird though, why am i still alive? i've always know myself as the mentally weak one. i jus find it weird why i still haven start sliting my wrist or banging my head against the wall. but thank whoever, i survived whatever shit there was last time. which make me think i can survive whatever that comes to me in future. positive thinking, indeed. nobody can help me. mayb nobody wants to help me. but i can help myself and i certainly want to help myself with surviving in this idiotic world:) cos after all.. i love myself quite alot. deaspite how hedious and irritatingly stupid i am :) haha. learn this from me. haha ! u can actually hate and love yerself at the same time.
LOL.
this is actually yet another nonsense of mine :) thanks for reading it anyway, it somehow means that u care bout me. whoever u are :) pls be remainded once again, i fell in love with yellow. and i'm loving it more than ever. i'm also loving myself now, i wont deny it :) and pls also take note that i simply and weirdly hate round stuffs. one great example would be my face. though not exactly round haha. it's time i learn how to express the right expressions at the right time. wrong expressions can bring in alot of troubles. indeed :) haha.
love me . love the world . love him although he has lots of flaws.
much as u wanna know about things, i wanna hide the things.
simplyjun . the depressed -
please believe me again at 5:43 PM
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