Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
21 September 2005

i've change the skin again. again again again. wheee. the previous skin was.. howtu say. oh ya. bu nai kan. the heart bit weird weird der. hahaha. oki. i seriously durno. jus makin my own comments.

dumb.

arhgggg " this week's gonna end. soon. wharda hell. how??? i actually find myself quite a freak man. a dumb freak. LOL. i tell myself, " today. i mus study! mus do this. mus do dart." bud. in the end. i jus stare ad der stuffs. and my soul is simply not there. der dumbiest thing is dart i din even start doin anything.. and im wandering off ald.. i seriously harv narthin tu say bout myself. im jus -
hai.

bud

HEY CHAR!
thanks man. fer offering tu tutor me. gahahha. i tink it's gonna help alot. and i hope it will. yes. it must man. i really wanna do well. ..haw.
awrite. enuf of the word "studyin" im gettin phobia of it alr. so scary. hahahaha. lame.

my daddy's down with dengue fever man. god. its like my mummy's away. and my daddy's sick. so for durno how many days, me and em were all by ourselves. and plus studyin and all. this is so way stress man. darn stress. actually i realised. dart i really care and love my daddy alot man. i love him. jus dart usually i jus durn show it. and i realised too dart

- he's a great daddy.
really great.
really awesome. (((:
im lik worried tu hell dart sth bad will happen tu him. im jus so -- stuffed. cos there's no one tu talk tu. arhgs. im like at der verge of tears when i prayed fer him. man.
i really love him.
LOL.

BIG SMILES.

" i love eu, daddy "

hmm.

#scribble ONE

" love sux, when it hurts "

#scribble TWO

" but when it goes well, it rawks "

hahahaha. quite true. darts whard jun told me on sunday when we were talkin at the playground.

***

we ended up there.cos of dummy xy.dummy's not the word. oki. durno la. lol.

***

jun vandilised it on der table. and someone replied back. yep.i wonder who's that man? hahaha. lovin somebody's nice.

eu feel happy.

eu feel awesome.

eu feel jus so great.

bein loved is even better. there's simply narthin tu worry bout.

eu feel safe.

eu feel wanted.

best of all,

eu feel LOVED.

ha.

but when everything's over.. eu'll be left behind tu pick up the pieces.

eu'll have tu accept everything. things won be the same as before.

eu feel lost.

eu feel alone..

being out of love is not one of the best moments of our life. i can be really sure bout dart. awrite. who durns? LOL. oh wells. instead of broodin and thinkin til you're all drained.. gather all eur courage gurl. and move on. (: jus tell eurself, " everything's changing " ((:

better things are awaitin ahead of you. yepx. like in stairway of heaven, " it's fated for couples tu meet and to love each other" .. "but it's also fated when couples have tu separate... " hmmm. everything's jus fated. it's all planned la.

whard's eurs will be eurs. whard's not will nvr be.

hahaha.

but.. i durn understand how can guys look so oki after a break up.. they look seriously oki man. like narthin had happened. or isit jus dart they are able tu take things really easily, that's why they are oki? .. shrugs. bud.. do they even feel anything?? sad? hurt? depress? maybe they do. maybe they jus wanna act kewl and BE COOL. oki. maybe gerls should be like them. hmmm. bud too bad. girls are emotional creatures.. is dart a good thing? ha.

CHURCH_ i durno whard's wrong. maybe it's church or maybe .. it's jus me lar. hai. everything seems to harv changed. i durno has it change or has it not.. bud. i jus durn feel the same in church anymore. i durn tink i shud be sayin this, but seriously. i durn feel happy. i feel - plain dead. i feel.. i durn belong there. i durno whards really going through in my mind man. i jus feel this way. i harv fwens there. yes i harv. bud.. somehow i feel faraway from everybody. every single soul. hai. i jus feel faraway from church.. i feel like crying man. things are seriously not suppose tu be like this. no.. maybe all this is jus me bar.. i feel alone. haw..

i wanna islolate myself now man. eventhough calv says, " isolation is not good fer eur health know? " ha. i durno whr he got dart concept. bud.. i jus wanna be alone from everybody in church now. yes. i wanna be alone. maybe this is the not-so-good part dart calv is trying tu mean. oki. i shall explain (: cos. by islolating eurself, eu'll feel more alone, and eu'll feel more down. am i rwite, calv? LOL. dots. oki. whardeva.

i jus want isolation now..

ha. at times lik this, i seriously need someone to talk tu man. bud i cannot find anybody! oh wells. im liein. there is lar.. but i durn really feel like tellin them. they're jus -- not right? hai. i durno. it's not possible dart eu can talk tu ppl bout everything, right? maybe dart's why i prefer tu keep things to myself, and yes. jus me (: no one will understand anyway.. and i don wanna go thru the process of repeatin everything and then let ppl noe dart im cryin ... ha. bud there's times when there's exception lar. heee. and yea la. whenever i can tell you, i'll say der. oki? LOL.

DAO ME _ i look dao?? hahaha. alot of ppk told me this man. really?? do i look that dao? oki. maybe yes la. bud darts when i durn smile and durn laugh oki! LOL. MAYBE i look dao lar. jiemin and jovi were like tellin mie i look super dao last year, and i look scary and veh bu shuang. ee! really?? my god. LOL. jovi even said dart when she noe im in der same class as her this year, she was like, " HAR?! im in same class as her ar? " dots! got so scary meh? my dear god. haha. PEEPS! dao is so not me kae. im crazy der. im hyper. and i can really laugh like hell. durn believe? ask jun, xy, jovi, jiemin, wp, my sis .. lalala. im not dart anti-social kind of girl der. no no no . more like mad those kind. yes. madness. love this word.

MADNESS.

im mad.

P.S : jovi, jiemin and xy are crazy ppl too. (((:

crazy people rawks man! they make the world a happier place. waha!

hahahaha.

i realised crying is a veh tiring thing man. eur eyes get freakin dry. freakin red. freakin swollen. and freakinly so pain. oww. darts a veh ugly sight. eee. and then, i durno why you'll get worn out too. (: ha. so weird. why crying makes us worn out? haha. weirdy weird. no wonder eu can fall asleep easier after eu cry. beCOS. we're tired :) and i realised sth now. blogging is oso a veh tiring thing tu do! my eyes are dehydrated ler. arhgg. pains. LOL. dots.

heys. i re-alised ( xy! stop sayin me) dart categorisin eur post is easier tu read man. thanks fer der inspiration, JUN. heeee. hmmm. there are nice people everywhere in this world man. people dart are nice tu eu. so. treasure these people. yes. treasure. (: ha. and. hai. i seriously think people shudnt msg everyday man. no. they shudnt. cos.. ha. narthin. ppl who noes will get whard i mean. smiles.

oki. i think this is super long ler. and my eyes are DRYING. so i durn care. im gonna end here. and darts dart ! LOL.

bye guys.

mwacks.

and a great BIG hug.

smiles!

ther.

its me!

I love daddy jesus.

please believe me again at 4:49 PM