Jun.

ahhhh. HURRAH :)

finally. no nit to study for any shitty tests. no nit to go for any lessons anymore. I'M GOD DAMN HAPPY. hope i get 60% and above for the tests esp for chem, or i'm so gonna die. i dun mind going back for physics lessons. but no, not chem pls. NOT CHEM. i feel so free now i wanna dance. rofl. dun wanna imagine that, but ya, in seventh heaven !

movies. so into watching movies now, i dunno since when. guess since i free myself. ok, i watched all bout love. watched jus like heaven with kekang and jon ytd. exorcism of emily rose with ther and dots TODAY. god, a movie a day. lol. well, jus like heaven is nice:) really quite funny. i had a great time laughing like mad. haha. exorcism of emily rose is damn nice. i was scared at first. haha, WE were. the very first part, i was totally freaking out. hiding myself behind my dear jacket. i actually felt protected by my jacket. oh, how pathetic lol. and it's really so funny how i was so afraid to look and i turn to see ther and dots and the way they hide themselves behind wadever they can use. and i end up laughing. yes, that's j.e.x when we watch horror movies. we LAUGH. rather den scream or wadever. haha. emily and father moore, so noble. i was touched. really noble :) i totally dun wan to know that this is a true story. it's so freaky man. cant bring myself to imagine all those things happening to a human being. a 19yr old gal. so terrible.. ahhhhh. hate that-wake-up-at-3am-and-smell-smth-burning part. i'm gonna freak out and die if i wake at 3am and smell smth burning. NOOOO. so drama, lol. errr, totally reminds me of that night when i wake up and there was thunder and lightning. but stupidly, no rain. dunno whr the hell is my sis, i was alone. scared, i hate lightnings man. i'm not scared of the sound of thunder. i'm afraid of seeing lightnings. but strangely, i love the feeling of walkin on the road when there's ligtning. attempts to kill myself, i guess. LOL.

"facts leave no room for possibility."

yes. so true:)

again, i realised how strong i am. several huge blows came by,one by one, one after another, they hit me. right into my heart. i was shattered:) but i know. wat dun kill me make me stronger. and i thot to myself, it's ridiculous like mad if these blows kill me. they are jus shit anyway. rite?

yes.

and i know i have to be strong. nobody is gonna help me. well, i am. i'm gonna help myself. i helped myself. after all the shit that i took previously.. i'm so immune to that kinda shits now. i wont turn a hair. was told disgusting things, i jus listen, take it, let it affect me if it is really sucky. and after that? jus really let go of all. now, i feel like i can take anything. any blow that comes. and guys.. noe wat? that feeling is wonderful. come hell or high water.

i can take it. i will :)

i'm so gonna go home and slp. the whole of this week is like sleepless. this morning, i woke up and went to brush my teeth. i looked into the mirror and guess what ? i saw this very ugly gal who look like she din slp for the past 2000 yrs, with eyebags and hair looking like GRASS. oh my goodness. that's jun. who is jun, i asked myself. IT'S ME! haha. and i fainted. so, i'm very ugly but who cares? i dun wanna care bout myself anymore haha. yes, and it's shitty leh. why do i wanna heck care bout myself now? why ? ohhh, i tink i'm sick and tired of feeling like shit ald. or rather, very used to it. so, i'm jus gonna ignore all negative feelings, put on a smile and cheer u ppl up. that's wat i want now. wat i really want. for all of u to be happy. i'm not saying that it's 100% that i will succeed. but i will try and i wanna try. and no, i'm not gonna deny that i have negative feelings. i will admit if i really feel bad. but i will really try to ignore it. dun let it affect me. not a bit. not even a bit. well, i did it before :) like how i hear some sick stuffs from my friends and how i ok-ed and jus take it. i took it. and they jus make me stronger :) and stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger. haha.

i realised that there's smth special between me and those ppl close to me. all of you:) how louis and me have nothing to say to each other but we still call each other to have speechless conversations. hey! i guess it's jus wad close friends do:) i enjoy it somehow. LOL. ther's deafness totally piss me off at times and i really hate her but i even bother is because i really love her. haha:) how dots always say dunno when we ask bout her troubles but actually, somehow, i know without she telling. how me and kekang talk on the phone and 1/4 of the conversation is his singing and another 1/4 of the conversation is him talking to his twin bro and laughing like siao and ignoring wat i say and continue his singing. BUT i still like talking to him. haha. how jon sms me and i noe my sms limit is ald reached but somehow i jus continue replying him :D how sam and evie sing irritating songs when i'm damn troubled, i scream at them with anger but they still laugh and in the end i will jus laugh with them. how trish irritate the hell out of me always and she will probably do it forever becos she knows that i wont ever hate her. how my darling sis is simply so busy but i know somehow, she cares for me and love me alot. and.... how i think i cant understand sand but still, i can talk to her bout things and i feel very comfortable bout it. lastly, how there's no contact between me and glo and yet, i still value him alot, and probably will continue doing so. ok ?

all of you. so nice:)

mosquito bites. five alone on right palm. very great. and ARGH. being-left-out and all that kinda shit is idiotic like crazy. and i jus landed myself into another stupid situation. i hate keeping things from ppl, but i have to. one day, i'll jus die with all these things inside me. unsaid, cos i cant say. read my diary if i die, please.

i miss you. and it's time i get some kip :)
happyjun_

to YOU. hey, if it's still happening, i'm damn sorry. i can't control. and i swear i never hear anything that was found out, if any was found out. i promised you i wont ask. and i will never break promises that i make to you. never.