Jun.

aaarrrgghhh.

ok, boredom is shit man. me and glo resort to taking bus from nowhere to nowhere jus to waste time. hahahhaa. yes, we were supposed to chat. but i dunno why at the end of the day i have a feeling that we din really talk bout anything. LOL. most of the conversation was like ...

me: i cant say.
glo: jus say la.
me: i said i cant say!
glo: jus say la.

- - " yes, it's that lame. haha. but it's ok actually, our purpose of going out was to waste time. and there, we did it. we wasted alot of time. haha. after all the crap was dinner at mac. thanks for paying dunno how much for me, glo. yes, so after mac we walked ard and then went home. i had that bad feeling that our [ evie,trish,sam and me] plans for ytd night is not gonna be carried out. and feelings i get always and forever is right. damn irritating. so i jus decompose at home the whole night. stare into air, ask myself questions,answer myself and i dunno why, after awhile i felt so tired. yes, so i went to slp.

0252am. sms received. i woke up. ok, thanks ther for waking me up at 0252am in the morning. 8minutes to 3am. I'M STILL TRAUMATISED BY THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE OK. well, saw some other messages felt a little bit happy but wadever. arrgh. it's rather hilarious i think, the way i walk super fast to the toilet den fly back to my bed after that. alamak, i'm such a loser, haha. OK, wadever. i was scared. thank god there's always that little lamp of my sis. i love it man. in the middle of night when i wake up, scared and alone, i'll jus on that lamp. and with that tiny source of light, i'll be able to sleep again. of course i would prefer if u are there for me. but actually, it's ok rite? i can survive. i have to...

bowling with ther! haha. bowling at marina square is super cheap man. $5.50 each person, including shoes. the bowling alley was like so empty. we had the whole bowling alley to ourselves, lol. so quiet and nice. ok, i'm improving in bowling but it seems like ther is getting even much better. go gal, continue to improve. and in future, it will be... THER THE BOWLING PRO. rofl. hmmm, i miss dots anyway :'( i cant believe it but, ya, i played ddr with ther just now. so freaking lousy i think i should hide myself. haha. but, nvm, jus for the fun of it. and never will i play again man. LOL. never.

i'm like out everyday i have a feeling my mum's gonna kill me. hahaha. tomorrow, there's co practice.

yay.

i hope we will play sheng si xiang xu tmr, i wan to hear it. it's freaking nice. after co practice it's buy present time and then i'll go home and come out again at evening for the concert at singapore conference hall. it's been so long since we cellists watch a concert together. haha. looking forward to it:) and seniors are back! guess they will all be celebrating like siao. end of olevels is like end of all pain. HAHAHA. i'm happy for them too, finally they can play and enjoy themselves ald, lol.

ok, that's for tml. i guess for sunday, i'll jus decompose at home and do nth. i'm super broke ald. cant spend a cent anymore. so i have no choice but to stay at home and decompose. and it's time i clear all rubbish in my room. and mayb i should start on my homework man. dun wanna rush homework like crazy at the end of holiday. sucks like hell, hate it. haha.

:'''(
the last question i asked u, u said dunno.

dunno.

one simply word... dunno. and my mind is filled with nonsense the whole entire night. i jus think and think and think and think and think. and i guess... u said dunno probably becos it's abit of yes. abit of yes.

abit of yes.

ok, that is really good enough for me ald. abit of yes. good.

love can fade if u try. wtf lor. it sounds super super retarded. i dunno why i said that,lol. but that's the result of my thinkings for the whole of last nite. everything is wrong. get it? it's WRONG. very super extremely wrong. since it is liddat now, jus carry on, ok? dun look back, dun think back. i said dun! and i mean it. i dun care, i dun care how u threw me down again for the second time within a single day, i dun care whether i'm hurt or dead. i dun care whether i can really take it anot, i dun care whether it's really the end if i ask u to do it. i dun care. i dun want to do wrong things again. i did so many many many many many many many many wrongs, not enough ? and stupid, i did wrong again. u said it urself. that is for the last time, last time. ok? i guess u mean it. last time equals to no next time. yes. no more. no next time, no more wrongs. that's it. jus listen to me, forget that stupid gal who gets goosebump when she see fat red ants. forget her, and i mean it, forget her. it's only right u forget her. listen to me. forget her. u can do it, trust me. impossible is nothing.

nothing is impossible. forget her.

i hate questions that i cant answer. wait, no. i hate questions that i wan to answer but cant answer. really. u ask me that question, well, obviously u want an answer from me. and i hate saying dunno! wad is dunno ? dunno is shit man. wad kinda answer is dunno? i dun accept dunno as an anwer, seriously. well, i said dunno. ahhhhhhhhh, dumb. hahahah, ok why did i say dunno den? let me tell you, i said dunno because i know i cant say yes. it is actually wrong to say yes? YES. it is wrong to say yes. and nobody likes to give wrong answers. so why din i say no? ya, mayb i should have said no. but i din say no because no is not my answer. NO IS NOT MY ANSWER. therefore, as a result, i said dunno. get it? it's wrong to say yes. but no is not wat i wanna say. so i said dunno. ahhhhhhhhh, dumb. but it's freaking obvious. i was dying to say yes. i wanted to say yes. ok,mayb u will ask me that question again. and mayb i will say yes? hahahahahhaa. sucks. ok, fine. to that question that u asked which totally make me start crying.

yes.

and one day if ppl slap me and throw rotten eggs at me or watever. by all means, i will stand and let u slap, kick,hit,pinch,scold, and stab if u want. stab me to death if u wan. well, i did wrongs and i deserve it.

i derserve it.

the first thing i did after those chaos, i told sam.

me: sam.. u noe what?
sam: what?
me: jus now__________
sam: ...
me: ...
sam: WAD'S YOUR PROBLEM?!?!??!?!?!!??

ok, and throughout the conversation all she said was " wad's ur problem?!?!?! " and all i said was " i dunno wad's my problem so stop asking me what's my problem and stop making me feel more bad. "

sam is right. wad's my problem? wad exactly is my freaking problem? and stupid enough. very great, i dunno wat's my problem, and i cant see the problem at all. i think i'm mentally ill or smth. my brain is definitely not working and i dun wanna think anymore. ok, i sound very troubled, but no. i'm not troubled. i'm ok. i can take it. it's nth. it's really really nothing. i'm happy and all, jus hate the fact that i have to answer ur important question with dunno because it's wrong to say yes. i will jus go home and decompose. i'm alright and wont die. wont die. wont die. i said wont die. but i wanna vanish.

food? i dun wanna eat anymore. wad's the point of eating anyway. wad's the point of eating? i so dun wan to eat anymore. mayb and hopefully, i will become thinner and thinner until i totally vanish from earth. and hooray! u dun have to think of me anymore, and i dun have to face this stupid world anymore. dun have to wake up in the middle of the night and feel scared. and feel alone. alone and scared. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm not gonna eat anymore.





i feel pain all over my body. am i gonna die soon? argh. i wanna drink coffee :)
Jun_




hey. it's stupid. obviously it hurts that u threw me down a second time. obviously, it hurts like mad. but u dun have to worry, u can throw me down again and again and again and again and again. and again. i can take it. i'm strong enough, there will be blood but i will still live on. i can take it, jus forget that gal who freaked out when she saw red ants on those leaves. forget her, it's right to forget her. ok? forget her cos she's jus an ordinary gal, hahahaha. forget her because it's wrong to even remember her. it's wrong. impossible is nothing, nothing is impossible.

i will still love you :)

cya. i guess it will be long. probably ages later will i see u again. bye! please take care.