Love, Hate, which to choose? <body>
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Y 17 January 2006
i jus wish i can be stop being so naive. it's so stupid. and i'm really tired, i dun remember anytime that i'm 100% awake for the past few days.
currently speechless actually, i dunno wad's on my mind. and jus all of a sudden, i realised, i do have many things troubling me, and mayb because i ignore them, i dunno they actually exist. miss morni said to us " this must stop." that sentence actually ehoed into my head. this must stop.
this must stop.
i wan it to stop. but how to? i used to think heaven is being kind by being cruel. but all of a sudden, at this moment, i feel like, it doesn't seem to be the case. why cruelty after cruelty? all that i've beared, i tolerated, i told myself i deserved it, somehow. but yet, i jus cant get myself out of this shit. i WAS firm. i was decisive. i din allow myself to do anything i wasnt supposed to do. i DIDN'T. sighs, i dunno man. all this is jus stupid. and after all, being strong alone is not enough. i nit luck, and I DUN HAVE ANY. u can imagine my suayness. i cant believe it. but it's fate i guess. wad to do? i believe in retribution, all thanks to louis. so irritating and right now, i believe i'm suffering retribution. thank you, i'll wait for may to arrive. ohh, like MAYDAY. hahaha, so funny.
i still wan to believe that heaven is being kind by being cruel. dun prove me wrong, please.
and once again, i screwed up:( i'm so gonna fail that emaths test we took today. and mayb the geog test tmr. i'm seriously exhasuted. i cant even open my eyes properly or anything, and my throat is seriously hurting because i coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed like non-stop. wish that i'll cough out blood or smth, then u guys will get to watch drama in school. seriously, i feel so tired i wanna die off. i wanna slp and dun wake up. i wanna punch walls. i wanna jump down. ahhhhhh, so exaggerating. at times like this, wat sam said to me will come flying into my head. yeah, always, there are ppl who suffer worse than me. and today, i got to know bout some. it's sad. and i ... dunno how to say it here. but yeah, okay i get it(:
