Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
28 January 2006

this is so crazily stupid and i'm so tired i can die anytime.

i wan to die.
this is so ridiculous. once again, i find myself in this super stupid situation, and my shoulders really ache like hell. so much i wish i can chop them off. okay, wat to do? i'm jus naive, cant help it.

yesterday was. i forgot. okay, stupid. pe was nice, circuit training can be quite fun lah. i was with yuanli,huihoon and adeline(: den it's so funny lah, we will be at a certain station doing what we are supposed to do, then at the same time looking at other ppl doing their stuff. den we'll laugh at them. "look at ther, HAHA." yeah, stuffs liddat. yea, so i sorta enjoyed pe(: chem practical was so frustrating. i did titration like four times, hell. first time, i got purple, overshot. i started to panic abit. second time, got it. third time was retarded okay, i guess i put the same solution into both burette and pipette, cos no matter how much solution i release from the burette, the colour of the solution in the conical flask is STILL green. that's so superly dumb, i got so pissed off with myself. so i did the fourth time, and thank god, i got the nice nice grey. if i have to do a fifth time, i will commit suicide. anyway i wonder whether i was fast or was yi slow, i was starting my third time when she's happily doing her first time. like huh? i was stunned. okay wadever, and..
i love burettes though they are tall(:

english is like as usual lah, i had great difficulty trying to stay awake. so did bryan, hahaha. hcl is forever so nice lah. we jus talk rubbish, laugh rubbish. and ting xie is like being postponed for the dunno how many times. so interesting, haha. ~~i cant rmb wat happened during geog.~~ ohhh, den it was smt. i simply love thurs smt okay. so nice(: first came mr toh. den mr chooi, den mr oh. i dunno why, mr toh never fail to look happy. haha. yeah, den somehow the vase in the classroom dropped and broke. so drama lah, it was like really "piang!" den everybody turned ard to see what happened. den aft that, mr oh was teaching us transverse waves, and he got some guys to act as the waves. den we laughed like siao, okay actually it's more like me and yi laughed like siao. dunno why man. somehow, the look on yuxiang's face is jus so funny lah. he had that i'm-so-lazy-to-do-this expression, haha. really funny man. and i dunno for wat reason, yi was so hyper that day. esp during smt. she laughed at like every single thing. and i dun rmb any times that she wasnt laughing. after sch, i went home and slept. like, finally. finally, i slept properly and felt awake after that. for the past few days i was seriously deprived of sleep so badly i felt sleepy every single day. and when i say sleepy, it's really very sleepy. and i hate it.

today? jus simply not my day. feel so bad, so moodless. i dun feel well at all man. it's so amazing how can little little stupid things can make me feel so frustrated. and adding fuel to fire, i realised i'm jus so stupidly naive. i cant stand it. ppl jus come. and go. and i jus stand here, happily thinking that i've u with me, only to realise u jus come and go, leaving me all alone here. abandoned. why the shit is the world like that? ahhhh, yeah, there's nth i can do bout it anyway. i guess, these are pains which i have no choice but to bear. and who's gonna help me with it? no one yeah. i dun wan u to come and help, only to leave me oso in the end. so dumb.

if u wan to come, dun leave. if u know u'll leave, then simple.

d u n c o m e.

today, the first thing in the morning, i was late to meet yi. ahhh, i was really so tired i couldn't wake up lah. ss was okay lah, nth special. hcl was nice, as usual. and once again, ting xie is being postponed. it's rather ridiculous man, haha. den after that ther and i went off for co. heard that alive! was nth. yeah, so during recess smth happened? oh well, i'm like speechless. mayb it's time i say smth bout it too. seriously, i'm pissed bout jsw like all other ppl. but seems like the others had more ridiculous experience. i'm disgusted too okay? all those dear friends of mine who are either badly traumatised or simply livid bout this so-idiotic-so-wth jsw issue, i feel so badly disgusted for u guys lah:( u ppl mus take care man. and adeline, u're so right and u rock! *winks.

i dunno wad went wrong but i felt rather moodless after dismissal. so i looked forward to going out with ther and yi, hoping that things will be great and i'll feel better after that. but well, i feel rather bad now. little little things can make me so frustrated lah, and right now, i'm like starving, seriously. did i eat dinner? i dun care man. i only know i feel so bad, so moodless, so lost. SO TIRED. and i have plenty of things to do tmr. have to clear away those mountains of shit lining up on the floor of my room, sweep and mop the whole entire house, change bedsheets, wipe windows, wash clothes, etc. and i haven even buy my shoes, which is simply making me feel more frustrated. and i really have to do filing asap. cant stand those worksheets in my yellow file, getting more as days pass by, and i'm jus too lazy to sort them according to subjects, and i dun even put them into the pockets of the file. so wad's the use of the file rite? shit. yeah, so i have to do filing like asap. and on top of all these, there's still ss article review, maths hw, chinese ting xie, geog re-test, physics test and chem test.

please jus do me a favour and kill me.

and it's ald 2.16am, i dunno wad's my prob but i jus simply not sleeping yet. my eyes are ald closing and i'm really very hungry but i'm jus sitting here typing this thing that u're reading, instead of getting smth to eat, or jus going to slp. well, too much unsaid. i've to say or i'll die even sooner. so whr are u when i nit u? where?

anyway, is this skin nice?

ther and yi. satisfied? sorry i changed the skin without telling u first, trying to make myself more tired. so reckon mayb i can change the skin. if u gals not satisfied then we'll change again, okay? (: sorry if i'm bit rude or attitude today. really rather moodless, dunno why. and sorry that i sorta really wasted time looking at bags, argh. so dumb rite? esp that stupid lady at bugis street. i really wanted to slap her or watever lah, waste our time, cheat my feelings. ohh, wadever. hope both of u are sleeping well(:

i'm making comparisons now. and i feel like a blockhead doing so. wad's the point? making such comparisons only make me feel more bad and lost. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i'm famished. and simply exhausted. mayb i'll be like too tired to wake up tmr. den hopefully i wont wake up at all. and i jus wont wake anymore. den i dun have to feel sleepy, hungry and lost. like yay. okay this sounds so nonsensical lah. i dunno why i'm sorta giving attitude today. yeah, my that i-dun-wan-to-live-anymore-wads-the-point-of-living attitude. dunno wad's my prob, so annoying. okay, it's2.57am now. i believe one day, i'll jus die of either fatigue, hunger, heart diseases or emotional disturbances. i get sudden heart aches which can be scary. literally okay(:

oh well, i'm really, all alone.

i dun wanna fall into a similar trap anymore. pls jus dun come and go.

_Jun.

please believe me again at 3:12 AM