Y
22 February 2006
22 February 2006
wad's the point actually ?
i dunno since when. i really dunno since when this started. but i've been finding the point of doing everything. i go "wad's the point of this?" bout everything. and i really mean everything. and seems like, i do away with those that i find there's simply no point doing. even blogging. wad's the point of blogging? i dun see the point anymore actually. so i might as well jus stop totally one day.
i dunno. i dunno since when i started to think that if there's no point doing smth, then simple. jus dun have to do it anymore. wad for? rite? so now i jus go "there's no point doing this at all, so i will jus stop it." i dunno whether it's smth good or bad. but i find that rather attitude of myself. i dunno how to explain. well, mayb i'm tired of things ald. mayb.
i got angry with myself today. i was scolding myself all the way since smt. jus really angry with myself. i expect alot of myself, and yet, i jus dun live up to expectations. shit.
and since when (again) i have this "i wan to be there for anybody,everybody, all the time" thinking. it's very mad. i end up feeling angry with myself, blaming myself and everything. and even sleeping away feels like wrong. as if it was wrong of me to sleep. weird eh? i think this has smth to do with last time =X i think i owe everybody. alot, that is. so now, i feel that i have to do things for ppl. and mayb, becos i think that i really seriously took away alot of other ppl's happiness. so i'd like to "return" it. sounds weird, but some things cant be said here(:
i think i shld slp more too actually. i'm able to think properly aft sleeping. haha. at least, i feel awake. oh well.
i suddenly, wanna tell stories. and cry. i jus wan to cry. not becos smth happened. nth happened. nth nowadays is big enough to make me cry. nth. mayb i am that strong aft all. not even all the stress and rotting of me can make me cry. mayb becos i'm stronger ald, so i dun cry anymore. but i actually dun really like the idea of that. i wanna cry. when things happen, i wanna cry. when i feel totally stressed up, i wanna cry. when i feel tired and dead, i wanna cry. when i feel depressed and alone, i wanna cry. i wanna cry everything out. i miss crying badly. i always feel better aft crying. and the thing is, i dun cry anymore. nowadays i jus dun cry. i dunno why. i cant cry. not that i dun wan, i cannot. no tears emerge. no tears at all. i think i nit to cry. but i'm jus not crying. i miss the times when i lean on ppl and cry. jus lean on somebody, and cry.
and cry.
i actually feel bad for not following and accompanying. sighs.
love,
Jun.
and so, i find no point in living on. do i do away with living? (:
i dunno since when. i really dunno since when this started. but i've been finding the point of doing everything. i go "wad's the point of this?" bout everything. and i really mean everything. and seems like, i do away with those that i find there's simply no point doing. even blogging. wad's the point of blogging? i dun see the point anymore actually. so i might as well jus stop totally one day.
i dunno. i dunno since when i started to think that if there's no point doing smth, then simple. jus dun have to do it anymore. wad for? rite? so now i jus go "there's no point doing this at all, so i will jus stop it." i dunno whether it's smth good or bad. but i find that rather attitude of myself. i dunno how to explain. well, mayb i'm tired of things ald. mayb.
i got angry with myself today. i was scolding myself all the way since smt. jus really angry with myself. i expect alot of myself, and yet, i jus dun live up to expectations. shit.
and since when (again) i have this "i wan to be there for anybody,everybody, all the time" thinking. it's very mad. i end up feeling angry with myself, blaming myself and everything. and even sleeping away feels like wrong. as if it was wrong of me to sleep. weird eh? i think this has smth to do with last time =X i think i owe everybody. alot, that is. so now, i feel that i have to do things for ppl. and mayb, becos i think that i really seriously took away alot of other ppl's happiness. so i'd like to "return" it. sounds weird, but some things cant be said here(:
i think i shld slp more too actually. i'm able to think properly aft sleeping. haha. at least, i feel awake. oh well.
i suddenly, wanna tell stories. and cry. i jus wan to cry. not becos smth happened. nth happened. nth nowadays is big enough to make me cry. nth. mayb i am that strong aft all. not even all the stress and rotting of me can make me cry. mayb becos i'm stronger ald, so i dun cry anymore. but i actually dun really like the idea of that. i wanna cry. when things happen, i wanna cry. when i feel totally stressed up, i wanna cry. when i feel tired and dead, i wanna cry. when i feel depressed and alone, i wanna cry. i wanna cry everything out. i miss crying badly. i always feel better aft crying. and the thing is, i dun cry anymore. nowadays i jus dun cry. i dunno why. i cant cry. not that i dun wan, i cannot. no tears emerge. no tears at all. i think i nit to cry. but i'm jus not crying. i miss the times when i lean on ppl and cry. jus lean on somebody, and cry.
and cry.
i actually feel bad for not following and accompanying. sighs.
love,
Jun.
and so, i find no point in living on. do i do away with living? (:
please believe me again at 10:49 PM
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