Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
01 March 2006

so much for being obedient and going to sleep. this is wat i get huh.

today was unconscious okay. i dunno wat's happening the whole time. i was jus simply falling aslp lah. yeah, will sleep early today, dun wanna have uncontrollable emerging tears due to the bad feeling within. caused by none other than fatigue. i think i look like some lost soul today. dead eyes, fringe flying here and there and everywhere partly cos of the lousy pins. yeah, and sleepiness.

i'm stunned by everyone's advice and opinions. i din know they'd tell me stuffs liddat. i thot all will think exactly like me. seems like i'm wrong. mayb i'm really being bit too careful. or rather, lacking in confidence. i nit confidence. and u have to gimme confidence. i dunno how.

this is stressful. why am i required to think so much? i dun get it. life is like about making decisions, suddenly. and as if i haven got enough to think of, mr toh jus have to say "okay, so u all go home, think carefully about it... " please. i dun wan to think anymore man. totally poisoned by thinking. completely numb. cant think anymore. starting to feel tired again. i slept half an hour only jus now. so much for going to slp. i got pissed off in the end. okay, that's beside the point. ppl get stressed up over tests, homeworks, projects. i get stressed up over thinking. i've got alot to think. and when i sit down and want to think. i got pissed off. tsk.

felt like vomiting during dinner. my body is like rejecting food. i dunno why, i'm like rejecting everything. food, sleep, consciousness. i jus slipped in and out of consciousness today. ahhhhhhhhhhh dun like.

time now : 1121pm.
time spent on waiting : 3hours.

and still adding on.

very nice of u. my shoulders aching. i got disconnected three times. spilled water on myself. so frustrating.

okay. actually i hate to read frustrated posts of mine also. so i'll jus really put less of my frustrations here(:

ahahaha. i still find it weird that i jus keep smiling to myself. i cant help it lah. well, its actually something good, cos it sorta make me feel happier. like as if there's something happy happening. HAHA. even when there's none(: okayokay. ther and yi find it irritating, i guess. yi was like "okay, nvm, i think i'm starting to get used to it." oooops, lol. EHHH i'm also pissed with their obsessions over certain ppl okay. *winks* OHH. okay lah, dun mention my obsession with my idol hor, lol. i know i always ask whether i will see my idol =x

career guidance tmr. CGH. sounds like interesting, i wonder lah =/ haha.

i wan to be a counsellor, still(:

and u're gonna be condemned. i dunno wat to say to u, so pls jus dun talk to me. thank you.

tired and hungry. so funny lor, now i wan food -.- nvm, shall go slp. wad's the point of waiting rite. yeah, exactly. waiting is not nice at all, u see. so u can forget bout waiting also lah. forget it and go away. yawn. okay wadever, i think this attitude is unnecessary. isit? =x

i dun wanna see that old self of mine again. horror of my life.

closing eyes,
jun.

so many unsaid. i'm gonna forget bout saying them.

please believe me again at 11:50 PM