Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
14 April 2006

missing in action.

i cannot find time to blog:(

past few days this weeks was sotiringidunrmbwatreallyhappened kinda thing. god, i lead a strenous life alright. oh well, okay, and that's because i was simply too stupid and retarded in the past to know this year is impt and i have to work for it. so? i woke up abit erm, late. haha, resulting in this lack of time to prepare for midyear which is in three freaking short weeks. sigh, please direct me to the place whr i can dig for extra time:(

i've been real dead serious and disciplined nowadays. even i find it totally weird. i hope ppl ard me dun get too pissed off with my behaviour. well, i know myself better and better as each day passes.

i've come to the conclusion that i totally cannot stand two types of people.

type number one.
LATE PPL.

seriously, wat is the stupid point of setting a time when everyday turns up late in the end? u tell me, wat do we set a meeting time for? so that everybody can arrive at the same time and then the outing or watsoever can go on smoothly. am i rite? so wad's the point of setting the idiotic time when u jus dun wan to come on time. u jus reach on any other stupid time in the world, EXCEPT the time u're supposed to show up. i totally cannot stand ppl who are late u know. i'm one who is super duper duper time-conscious. okay, mayb some of u might think im seriously too serious in life. but u know, thats me(: i value punctuality alot alot alright. so, please dun expect me to smile and say a big hi to you if u're late to meet me. u think it's so so so so nice to stand at that stupid place and wait for u? you, who jus dun have the basic courtesy to be jus punctual. okay, late for like five mins or wat, that is still reasonable. mayb the freaking bus that u're waiting for really got stuck in the drain or watever. but some ppl can be late for like wat? twenty mins. half an hour. i dunno how the mind of late ppl works. i really dunno.

i know there are times when u jus really oversleep. or unluckily miss the damn bus. or got delayed by some idunnowat. so there are times when ppl turn up late. i'm not saying i've never ever been late before. i admit there are times when i'm really really late and made my friends wait for me. but i dare say those are the minorities. most of the time, i'm punctual. or even, EARLY. but u know, once or twice is okay. but there are ppl who are forever and ever and ever LATE.

and wat i really cannot accept is when i dun see why ppl cant be punctual. many many many many times, the meeting place is nearer to those ppl who are late u know. i find that so ridiculous. the meeting place is further from my house than their houses. but in the end? im the one who is early and those ppl who lives damn bloody near to the meeting place is late. and very very very late. i cannot accept it man. u have to rush home, bathe and prepare. i dun have to huh? i rush home, i have lesser time than u to prepare and bathe. but i still reach on time okay. so, these are times i really dun see why ppl cant be punctual. WHEN I CAN.

and the most stupid thing i find, is hearing sorry aft waiting and waiting for the late ppl. wat's the stupid use of saying sorry man, seriously. i wait for like two million years for u and you jus say sorry and u think that's okay ald? and some ppl does it every now and then so frequently until i find the whole thing totally meaningless ald. seriously, sorry no cure okay.

worst of all, imagine being late to watch a performance. wat respect u give to those performers man. imagine if u are the one performing, and ur friends or whoever missed the nicest part of the performance becos they jus dunnoforwatreason cannot be punctual. imagine how it feels like. oh well, even ppl who are late for movies piss me off okay. want to come in late, when the movie has ald started, den cant find their seats in the dark. create noise and all the disturbance they can ever cause. all jus cos why? cos they jus bloody hell cannot be time conscious.

type number two.
PPL WHO SHLD CHOP OFF THEIR EARS SINCE THEY DUN WAN TO USE THEM.

i'm serious. i've been observing [cos mayb i've got nth better to do at times.] for quite a period of time and i realised, alot alot alot of ppl fall under this category. like almost the majority of the ppl we see in sch everyday. look at all those ppl who talk and talk and talk and talk non-stop during lesson times as if they have never ever talked in their entire stupid life and they must talk during lessons or they will simply die on the spot. i'm not saying we shld all shut up and listen for every single second of the lesson. but at least, pay attention when the teacher is teaching? when the teacher/class manager/subject rap is making an announcement or asking the class a question? why do u think u are born with ears? cos it makes u look nice? or so that u can wear earings? -.- u're born with ears so u can listen. [oh my god, i love the word listen.] wat for ppl talk to u, when u simply dun want to listen?

i think it's respect. i know, most of the time, english lesson is a total bore. and i admit, i get bored too and start to drift off to sleep. and i dun understand why miss morni talks bout stuffs which are totally irrelevant. but no matter what, she's our teacher. and that is that. i think we should all give her some respect based on the fact that she's our teacher. and pay attention when she's teaching or going thru our worksheets or wat. this applies to all other teachers okay. however boring the lesson is, i think we shld respect the teachers and pay some attention, not talk all the time when the teacher is talking. notice why miss morni always throw her temper at us during english lessons? i know sometimes, she's being too sensitive or abit of unreasonable that we cant comprehand. but sometimes, i understand. it is often aft all the din the class created that she starts to shout at the class. many times, i see her staring angrily at the class, when the class gets totally engrossed in their world of conversations and laughters. den aft, she will lose her temper and start scolding us. and aft that, many will be saying that she's unreasonable and they dun understand why she always loses her temper(: well, becos some of u jus cant be bothered to listen to ppl, and have no respect at all for others. try standing in front of the whole class wanting to say smth or teach but nobody bothers to listen to u. i gurantee u it's bloody irritating. ohhh, reminds me of each and every single co debrief. i wonder why those ppl cant jus shut up and listen to the three presidents. end up lengthening the whole debrief cos time have to be spent asking ppl to keep quiet. waste time and totally pointless.

besides, have u ever realised that ppl ard u might be trying hard to pay attention to the teacher, trying to follow wat's the teacher teaching. and there u are, happily talking away, laughing and laughing bout godknowswat, creating all the noise in the world. disturbing the ppl ard u who wants to listen to the teacher. it's inconsideration to the extreme. selfishness i call it. u dun wan to pay attention, u wan to fail ur midyr, not my business. but pls be considerate by shutting ur idiotic mouth during lessons cos they are ppl who wants to listen.

"there will be a test next week on chapter 2000."
5seconds later..
"huh wat did cher jus said?"

*roll eyes* why cant u jus listen when the teacher was saying the thing. dun u find it superly dumb? when the teacher/whoever was making the announcement or statement, u jus dun wan to listen, u have to be talking to ur friend or watevershitudoing. den aft the statement/annoucement was made, U HAVE TO ASK THE PPL ARD U AND THEY HAVE TO REPEAT TO U WAT HAVE BEEN SAID LIKE FEW SECS AGO. i find that so stupid i cant stand it. and that makes me one of the few ppl in the world who will strangle u if u ask me to repeat myself. i make my point. when i speak, u dun wan to listen, fine, dun expect me to say it again, it's bloody annoying. and it's the same as making me repeat wat others have jus said.

if u dun even have the basic manners to shut up and listen when others are talking, u have no rights to talk okay. i dun see why others should listen to u when u dun listen to others at all. if u think u're deprived of talking, den please talk outside curriculum time all u want. talk till ur lips explode or till ur voice disappear, who cares man. jus shut up when u're supposed to be listening.

alright. so if u dun wan to listen when im talking, dun expect me to talk to you. if you want to talk when others are talking, dun expect me to listen to you. simple logic and fairness.

okay this is the end of my criticisms and its a result of adnormality yeah. i dunno okay, louis commented that i seem to be blogging this to make ppl feel guilty. well, mayb? (: but actually, i dun tink so okay. the main thing is, it has been on my mind for a very long period of time. so i jus wanna say it out. if u think it's rubbish or it's of no logic at all, well, it's okay. those are purely my opinions and a result of my super duper weird character. i bet u cannot find another human being on earth who's called jun and has this kinda alien thinking. AND, if u fall under both types and u feel a teeny weeny bit of guilt in you. U MUS BE ONE OF MY CLOSE FRIEND RITE? rofl. yeah, i get to know my likes and dislikes thru all the wonderful ppl in my life. like my close friends and family(: seeeee, u guys are irritating! dun wan to listen and always late. haha, well, but i still love all of u(: hmm, sorry i'm critical. my stupid habit of finding faults in ppl. well, i know i'm imperfect too(:

alright, enough of all the naggings. my apologies for neglecting this blog over such a long, dreadful period of time. it's been hectic and exhausting nowadays. midyear in wat? two weeks, oh mannnnnnnnnnnn. this is getting stressful yeah. nothing is completed so far. i can tell you, NOTHING has been completed. not even a day i let myself to sleep all i want. i need some sleep badly. well, wait till the end of midyr i guess. i think i will jus come home, bathe eat and go into coma, rofl. i think i will sleep continously for like a few days man. ahahaha, okay that's super exaggerating. ahh, jus bloody tired:( but still there's a long long way to go.

well, shall talk bout ytd's happenings. OK, so i couldn't contain myself anymore and started to cry in the bus again. i dunno whether to feel thankful or not, that john was with me for that time. haha, he will worry too much like some mother(: well, i've to accept the fact that im now living in this world which appreciation is totally non-existant. sigh, wat exactly do i work for, i ask myself sometimes. work and still, ppl place no trust and support in me. i'm ald utterly fagged from attending school and cca, returning home late every single day. and on top of all these, i must revise for midyr and complete those ever-flowing waterfalls of homeworks. esp during weekends. i do nit time for leisure and rest. i have a life okay. well, okay mayb not anymore. i'm leading some idunnowatucallit life. which is equivalent to no life. all day long i jus do homework, plan my time so i can squeeze out those little pathetic time out of nowhr for revisions. it's jus getting too much. and it have to become worse, such that nobody support and trust. sigh.

so aft shedding those idiotic tears, i decided to sleep. HAHA. so i slept then i woke up, den i decided to be retarded and act lifeless. so as the bus12 move and jerk here and there, i swing here and there pretending to be aslp. so i hit the window, the railings (or watever u call it) and even the head of the person sitting in front of us, rofl. den my head 'dropped' like here, there, everywhr until i was almost lying down on the seats. john was like pulling me up from all the weird places im heading towards. den he "oii! oii! oii!" for quite some time and upon seeing that it doesnt wake me up, he started bending my fingers one by one. so i was there wondering wat is he trying to do, den he said "hmm, mus help the vegetable do finger exercise." HAHAHA -.- okay, that was very funny lah(:

it was a high high day ytd, i dunno as a result of wat. we were laughing loudly on buses from here to there and there to here, lol. yeah, laughing bout some lame things we find lah. ohh well, happy days. there are downs in happy days too. so john's mum has decided to think that i'm so ulugalfromnowhr. one who vacuum money and precious time eh. oh well, i feel unwanted in this world. never were there another time in my life that i felt so totally ermm, unpopular. hahaha. new experience eh? urgh, not nice at all. so, to sum up, my life is about accepting being unaccepted. and the fact that im leading a nolife life. HAHAHAH (:

i was jus talking to louis moments ago. many things flowed back. it wasnt cause of the conversation with louis. it was cause of the conversation with u. jus moments aft. aft the conversation abt insecurity. and to top it off, u made that insecurity sink in much more deeper. once again, i see those shadows caused due to that traumatising experience. okay, mayb usage of words is abit overexaggerating. but well, it was inhumanity. haha. u're being so insensitive, or shld i say ignorant. is it not obvious enough? and haven u consider how i wud feel abt this whole thing. argggh, i think im overeacting actually. but it comes naturally, this paranoia. how to escape from it? it's jus there u know. even u get it. and urs was jus, yeah. whereas my whole long story was literally, yeah u know -.- haha.

sigh, this whole thing is jus making me live in fear. how i wish i can return to primary sch times. those times we jus think of nth else other then fun and growing up. nth deeper, and i mean nth. now that we've all grown up, its ohmygodbloodyterrible. it's amazing how much we complicate things for ourselves. then we get vexed and scared and paranoid and jealous and idunnowatelse. you name it, we feel it. dumb. okay, i think its wat we call "the growing up process" rofl. ah, i have enough okay, living in fear and guessing again is not my cup of tea. and smth i dun desire at all, obviously. how to get out of this then? heelllllpppppppp!

sigh.

i nit time, i really do. every single day i have to complete like 2000000 things but we only have wat? 24hrs. i wish i can dun eat, slp, bathe. hahahahaha. and jus, everyday i get stepped on and shouted at. i dunno for wat, but yeah, it happens, and i dun get why ppl cant understand me even aft so long. does it hurt to jus put some trust in me? do i look like one who cannot be trusted? it's harder to work, feeling that nobody believes in you. but actually, it makes me wanna work more. tho im seriously beat. argh:(

man, i'll lock myself up in sch from tmr onwards, for watever there is to be completed. i'm beginning to get restless and easily distracted back at home again. end up getting tired when everything is still uncompleted:(

idunnowhyikeeptypingliddattodaysorrymanissitdifficulttoread? (:

off to complete those leftovers.

love,
jun.

that insecurity u showered gives me desires to weep.

please believe me again at 11:38 PM