Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
05 May 2006

breakdown.

i dunno how to explain this. but i've experienced the wat ifs in life. just today. wat if the only questions u studied for ss so dun wan to appear in the paper? u end up handing in only the source-based questions. the amount of disappointment assembled in me goes unnoticed. i've no idea why, but somehow, it escaped just now. during those lil moments when no matter wat i do, i just cannot connect to the world. somehow, it has always been like that recently. weird.

so much for studying all the way till 2am in the morning. idiots like me who try to act smart and study only one chapter out of all the other chapters, end up really helpless during the paper. and wat can be more idiotic, others can at least produce some paragraphs, but yet i can't. i should go look for a puddle. this is the consequences of wat ifs. so it happened to me today, well, lesson learnt. dun try to act smart and predict wat questions will come out for the paper, if u so badly nit to act smart, pls act smart enough to choose the right questions at least, or else, when the worst happens, just spit at urself and go home and cry. and serve u right.

then again, lack of time.

yeah, if given the time, i would have studied the other chapters too. thus, it all goes down to my failure as a whole. so much for wanting to revise for the exams since weeks ago. useless shit, look at what happened in the end. and, the world is just unfair. when can there be justice and fairness. i can't comprehand.

alright, enough of the failures and shits and ~~ireallyjustallowedtearstorolldownmycheeks~~ disappointments. basically, i'm fine and well. still mentally stable and fit(: the tears shed were not for the screwed up ss paper, they escaped for relief purpose. to let out that discomfort within me. otherwise, i'll just bottle them up and explode one of these days. so it's somewhat a good thing that those tears were shed. destress session alone by myself. somehow, the disappointment was just too much for me. i cannot take disappointments. but then again, it is from all the disappointments that i learn to stand up and fight. if i didn't fall, if i didn't fail, i wont feel the pain enough to know that i have to work hard. thus, i dun get why there are some people who just fall and fall and yet keep falling, but still, they dun learn, they dun stand up and start to fight. i dunno wat goes on inside the mind of these people, they know the number of times they've failed. they know they are way way behind. they know they're almost to the hopeless extreme, they know they have to work hard. but still, all they do is sit there and wait for their next fall to take place. stupid people, u dun even try. i dun see the meaning of ur life. my say is, if u wanna continue leading ur life liddat, having this kinda attitude, wat u can do is,

g o f i n d a p u d d l e(:

u have no life at all.

shoulder aches. again. sigh.

once again, i ask myself, just wat do i work for? the results? the process? the glory? i'm pondering over this. i'm searching for the answer. one day. wait then.

yes, all i have to do now is go to the rescue of my geog and belovedchem. i dun care whether i fail chem or wat, it's my favourite subject no matter what. and physics is my new love too(: and i guess, after the crying just now, the terror of today's ss paper will only return to haunt me when we receive our papers. till then.

i think i nit therapy. weirdo.
11thmay. dreammmmm.
12thmay. funnnnnnnnnn ;D

okay. i'm hungry(:

*gobbles*

tired,
jun.

whr is john again?

please believe me again at 8:14 PM