too many of such people, i see everyday. i read about, i hear about. i dun want to be like that. i don't want to be the kind who has huge fat juicy dreams, but they just sit there and do absolutely nothing. i dun want to be like that.
enough is enough. not now, then when?
i dun want empty talks. jun, i want to see the actions. actions, girl. work.
there's this sadistic/psychotic/workaholic side of me that i can't comprehand. i know im tired. as in really physically tired. i slept at 3.30am this morning. then woke at 6.15am to go to school. yeah, just that few hours of sleep. and i feel rather weak now. and i thought of forcing myself to finish the work. am i mad or am i stupid? either way, i know it's not the how i'm supposed to do it. so i've decided to get my sleep, wake tmr morning to do my work.
i felt totally shitty after the geog test today. it was fully pure shit and crap. the things i wrote. i dun want to be like that anymore. it's not me at all. i'm not like that. i'm not one who sits there, know the problem, know how to solve the problem, but refuses to do it.
i a m n o t l i k e t h a t.
never was i. or maybe i became like that. this vacuums the me out of me. i dunno wat am i talking bout i dunno whether i'm even talking sense. but it's just that, i've had enough of my attitude towards studies and all, my reluctance to work hard, my excuses and shits, my i-feel-so-pathetic-each-time-i-fail-like-mad-but-i-just-carry-on-like-that. i din realise i'm like that. where is the jun i know of? where?
where are you?
when i was youngand naive, i had this thinking that i've a burning fire inside me. i felt the fire burning so bright during P5, P6 years. i cannot agree more that it's totally gone now. where did it go?
where are you?
somebody has got to slap the crap out of me so i will really do the necessary. the work. dun coax me, dun persuade me, dun talk to me nicely, dun beg me, dun encourage me, dun make me feel comfortable, dun make me have my rubbish way. scold me, nag at me, hurt me, slap me, threaten me, do whatever u can do to make me feel the rare impact.
do it.
okay, it sounds very insane but i guess maybe it's just that desire in me to really work hard. or mayb its that sadistic side of me. watever the case, i have to. if not, what?
not now, then when?
sometimes we've got to make it happen. rather then sit there and say that it will happen. saying it won't make it happen. doing it will.
remember that.
gonna go do the first thing on my list of you-better-do-it-or-you-are-a-shit.