Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
09 June 2006

paragraphs.

dearjohn. ~~hey charming!~~
"go away lah!"
"irritating boy!"
"stupid."

often, these are the things i shout at you, but what you return with is nothing but smiles and "darling, i'm sorry, darling, i'm sorry, please, darling, i'm sorry, please, darling, i'm sorry, darling, i'm sorry, please, darling, i'm sorry, please." repetition and lack of creativity and originality but okay, it's enough to make me smile. hey you are special in such a way that you accept my attitudes and bad temper with smiles and jokes. you never fail to turn my frowns into smiles and my screwed up expressions into a hidden laugh. thanks for all the bra jokes, lame jokes, not-so-funny-but-i-still-laugh jokes and all and all. laughter always exists when you're there. thanks for all the "i'm with you just remember i love you." though i often reply with a "always say the same thing sia you." i appreciate it. i know sometimes i go too far with my "you so stupid can." and those you-have-mistress-rite-? jokes. HAHA. alright, i'm sorry. i know i dun extend my apologies enough when it happens. but i do tell you stuffs like "i'm sorry if i joke about the wrong things." rite? ~~when the mood is rite.~~ haha. about those youknowyouknow stuffs. i'm really really sorry i cannot understand and sometimes due to my lack in understanding, i dun give the respect you deserve. i admit, i overeact plenty of times, but still, i know what i ought to do. i know you deserve the respect, so i ought to give it to you. you know i tried, i know i tried, but not hard enough though. i dunno? i have this feeling it's not for me. i'm sorry. i know you'd like to share and make me understand but it's not for me. mayb you think "how would you know when you havent experience it?" but from what i see and hear, i think it's not for me. thanks anyway, for giving me the chance to experience what you go through every now and then. i guess it's my fault that i dun wanna go for it/understand it. but i dun care now. i just do what i want to do. i say what i think. or the gap i have been talking bout will really start to build. you know what i'm talking bout. i know you dun like my silence, i know you dun like my depression state and sometimes you dunno how to guess, you dunno how to react, you dunno how to handle. but let me tell you, it's fine. i'm jus like that. really. there's no way anyone can really "cheerify" me when i'm having the attitude. it's jus me when i'm in the bad mood. it's jus me. that part of me that i can't stand too. HAH. thanks for tolerating those though, i know it's very shitty. well, just thanks(: anyway, i love the things we do, like night walks and playground talks, NLB visits at night ( i still bloody miss the blackred cloths. ) , morning movies, late night phone calls, delifrance meals, foodcourt feast (the budget times :D) , scratching the sand, poking sessions, snatching leafs to eat in the middle of the road (yeah, we eat leafs.) , meeting in the last/first carriage, billy bombers meal with the same waiters and waitresses, doing maths together ( so i can act smart and teach you HAHA :D ), doing ss together ( cos you are the ultimate explanation generator! ). and not forgetting the jokes and all the lameness that brightened my days. oreo milkshake, charlie brown and the langdons, mistress jokes and bra series, pimple boy/pimple girl/tumour face, abalones and bai tang gao, deangrifying and cheerifying me, high pitch "you good lor!", the chatlogs and private&confidential book, long anniversary messages, the sharings sharings, everything and all the things. i wont forget the way you understand, tolerate, act cute and act sweet, send long messages, blog about me, compliment me, share with me, talk to me, joke with me, laugh with me, persuade, counsel, comfort, advise, care and love. all these are beyond words. it's the feelings that i get from you. the feelings. that feeling. a feeling i'd call, simple love. thank you(:

alright, i'm not talking bout john only. the rest will be the rest. the other paragraphs will come with my other posts. jus that the one to john will be the first hmm. okay, i'm right now at evie's again, so getting my ears spoiled by the evil music sam and evie are playing on the piano. okay mayb not evil. haha. wat's with this akanishi jin person, he's so not hot. thank you louis chua wang da for abandoning me online just because you were playing some games. you know what? ~~gaming so should be banned.~~ hur. i want books! i want sold, tuesdays with morrie, the lost journey and that leukemia drama rama book my sis is currently reading. and then movies movies! these are the stuffs i need. mayb you think i'm such a nerdy/irritating/boring/deprived person. okay mayb i am. haha, so ? it's me that i'm happy with and about. me lah me lah (: what about sunrise and church services? maybe, maybe. but for now, i'm thinking of louischuawangda (if u so like your name in full here in my posts -.- ) hey you changed, you are stronger now, that's what i feel and what i see, you are more sensible, i'm glad about that, but there are other issues. issuesssssssssss. ahahahaha. ~~watever~~ and you know what? you stopped the cycle you got stuck in like how i did((((((: maybe good friends are like that.

okay, mayb not. hah.

feeling rather tired now.

shall end here.

jun.

"if we don't share the same vision of future." will it happen?

edit: evie's house is in a mess cos she and her brother are horrible creatures. there's chips containers hidden behind the sofa, there's macdonald's plastic bags on the floor flying around. there's pieces of paper lying around on the floor, there's cds behind the computable table, there's curry which looks like sai on the kitchen table, there's dirt and everything watever watever sticky stuffs even on her computer table and kitchen floor. there's mountains of dirty clothes as they are so pampered and spoilt they dunno how to use the bloody washing machine which is also another weirdo. so as a result, sam and evie and me are looking like aunties now, mopping, wiping, vaccuming, washing. sam makes a good wife/mother i tell you. you dun have to do a shit if u live with her. she will automatically clean all the dirt in sight, wash all the plates/bowls/spoons/cups/forks/pans/wateverwatever you used, make the floor so clean it shines before she even leaves the house, soak, srub, wash, dry, fold, iron all the clothes you can find in the house. marry her man. guys, marry her. HAHA. i'm just another spoilt brat i think(: i'm just another piece of lazy shit who sits ard all day using the computer or reading my book, doing my own stuffs. HAH. yeah lah, i dun make a good wife/mother/~~maid~~. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. yawn(:

okay, louischuawangda, now you abandon me for the world cup. that's indeed very nice of you. hpmh. gambling is bad for health. ~~both the secret and literal meaning~~ *winks.

also thank you to john for cheating/lying/hiding-the-truth. cheaterbug *poke your tumour face. HAHAHAHAHA. confiscate your bra HAHAHAHAHA. err hem, okay sorry. go and eat your roti prata lah, oily cheater. HAHAHAHA -.-

byebye!

please believe me again at 11:30 PM