Y
12 June 2006
12 June 2006
silence.
i just woke up from this idunnohowlong sleep and i feel so beaten up. read this whatelsecanisay message and draggggggggggggggggggged myself out of bed to talk to louischuawangda online. i realised this thing bout myself. everytime when something bad happens, i start to think. i think and think and think until the point when i realise i can't think anymore. not because i'm tired, it's because i think my thinking has reached its limit. when i start to repeat the same thoughts. this is the point of time when i go to other ppl and ask for their opinions. i dun ask for solutions because i believe if i can't solve it myself, nobody else can. therefore, i ask for opinions. now i realise this pattern. and i also realise, other people's opinion always agrees with my thoughts. mayb it means i've stretched my thoughts to the limit and think of all aspects. i always do. so wat to do when i know i cant do anything? (: that's the sad thing you know.
i cant do anything.
i told louis, it's like somebody jus snatched away my stuffs and my heart aches like mad but i cannot even say a word. all i can do is sit there and ohsogreat feel the bloody pain. hey, i know i said this before. i remember i said something like that before. so why am i saying it again? i guess it's the same as my thoughts. they are repeating because it's the limit, it's just all that i can say. all that i can think of.
this morning. i stared into the emptiness of the canteen as i wait. i felt this sudden heartache. literally. i guess it's some kinda sadness. i call it heartache. it was very strong. it was very sad. i see alot of us leading some very shitty life. which of cos, includes me. very shitty life. and the sad thing is nobody seems to realise it. i felt alone with that thought of mine. what to do? the feeling of rot is back again. it's time to change and prioritise. you know, i really dun care i die or i faint, i just want what i want.
it's time to change.
girl, dun rot again.
i dun understand. okay, mayb u can say i dun understand. well, u know wat? too bad. i need energy for so many things, i already see myself in that beaten up state trying my best to just stay focus. i know i cannot live through all this with all that. what to do? i'm not a person who gives up. okay, wait, i dun think of it as give up. i'd say it's a let go. okay wait, let go of what?
i dunno? i wish i dare to say it.
it's getting from bad to worst. i dunno what to do? because i cant do anything.
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
ok
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
fine
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
den wat u wan do la
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
wat u feel like doing but can't
hey that made me think, it did. i stared when you told me that. what do i feel like doing but i can't? HAH. ALLLLLOOOTT. well, it's okay. i guess it's time for heartbreak again. why is my life like that? eeeek.
i dunno. i just feel so shitty. there's this weakness inside me again. my shoulders feel like somebody's pulling them real hard. my stomach is empty literally. my head is exploding with all the thoughts. my hair looks like grass. my face looks like shit. argh.
i need some counselling.
louischuawangda. tsk.i so feel like doing that psycho thing u suggested. AHAH.
jun.
girl, hold on please.
i just woke up from this idunnohowlong sleep and i feel so beaten up. read this whatelsecanisay message and draggggggggggggggggggged myself out of bed to talk to louischuawangda online. i realised this thing bout myself. everytime when something bad happens, i start to think. i think and think and think until the point when i realise i can't think anymore. not because i'm tired, it's because i think my thinking has reached its limit. when i start to repeat the same thoughts. this is the point of time when i go to other ppl and ask for their opinions. i dun ask for solutions because i believe if i can't solve it myself, nobody else can. therefore, i ask for opinions. now i realise this pattern. and i also realise, other people's opinion always agrees with my thoughts. mayb it means i've stretched my thoughts to the limit and think of all aspects. i always do. so wat to do when i know i cant do anything? (: that's the sad thing you know.
i cant do anything.
i told louis, it's like somebody jus snatched away my stuffs and my heart aches like mad but i cannot even say a word. all i can do is sit there and ohsogreat feel the bloody pain. hey, i know i said this before. i remember i said something like that before. so why am i saying it again? i guess it's the same as my thoughts. they are repeating because it's the limit, it's just all that i can say. all that i can think of.
this morning. i stared into the emptiness of the canteen as i wait. i felt this sudden heartache. literally. i guess it's some kinda sadness. i call it heartache. it was very strong. it was very sad. i see alot of us leading some very shitty life. which of cos, includes me. very shitty life. and the sad thing is nobody seems to realise it. i felt alone with that thought of mine. what to do? the feeling of rot is back again. it's time to change and prioritise. you know, i really dun care i die or i faint, i just want what i want.
it's time to change.
girl, dun rot again.
i dun understand. okay, mayb u can say i dun understand. well, u know wat? too bad. i need energy for so many things, i already see myself in that beaten up state trying my best to just stay focus. i know i cannot live through all this with all that. what to do? i'm not a person who gives up. okay, wait, i dun think of it as give up. i'd say it's a let go. okay wait, let go of what?
i dunno? i wish i dare to say it.
it's getting from bad to worst. i dunno what to do? because i cant do anything.
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
ok
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
fine
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
den wat u wan do la
BORED-ED and BORED-RING says:
wat u feel like doing but can't
hey that made me think, it did. i stared when you told me that. what do i feel like doing but i can't? HAH. ALLLLLOOOTT. well, it's okay. i guess it's time for heartbreak again. why is my life like that? eeeek.
i dunno. i just feel so shitty. there's this weakness inside me again. my shoulders feel like somebody's pulling them real hard. my stomach is empty literally. my head is exploding with all the thoughts. my hair looks like grass. my face looks like shit. argh.
louischuawangda. tsk.
jun.
girl, hold on please.
please believe me again at 8:13 PM
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