Y
08 June 2006
08 June 2006
sometimes.
overwhelmed by this weird emptiness today. it's a feeling of being not loved and cared for. it's a feeling of idunnohowyoudescribeit. it's just this cold empty feeling, this feeling sucks, totally. anyway, i'm still fine, just slightly unstable i suppose. it's all because of this book that i'm reading. yeah, a book that so affected my mood today. wat anti-climax.
okay, rather random but the story is about child abuse. saddening shit. then i get so unbalance now, first i feel so cold and upset cos i was too engrossed in the story, then on the other hand when i snap back to reality, i compare and feel so loved, so just what am i feeling now? i dunno. it's mixed emotions. but it's just this weird feeling of unloved and cold. this feeling i've never felt before. never. it's that are-all-these-real? kinda feeling. i shut the book and the story away and i went to the living room for dinner. i looked at my dad, my mum, the food, i asked myself. are all these real? oh am i not blessed? i can feel this love for my mum, my dad and my life. though not perfect in any ways, not luxurious in any aspect, but i've got a good life. i've got lovely parents, wonderful sis, great friends, love, care&concern, food, warmth, everything a human being ever needed. i feel the love for my mum getting stronger nowadays. the pain and hardship she went through and is still going through. she never complains, she dun blame us, she cares and she that's what everybody feels bout their mother. HAH. loves. i'm not one who openly express my feelings that well, i've problems in verbal expression. but u know, i dun express or say anything, that doesnt mean i dun feel anything. normally, the stronger the feeling, the more difficult i find it to express/say. so, it's really kinda difficult if u were to ask me to really say out wat's troubling me. i'm much better at writing if you haven realised. i dunno? i'm sure everybody loves their mother. but sometimes i just feel my mum is so special, she's so different. mayb
there you go again, isn't it obvious enough?
feeling all deranged now. i think i shouldn't get so emotionally involved in movies and stories. it's really kinda bad for health. but it's nice in such a way that i can forget bout the rest of the world for that moment or so. it's nice.
tomorrow feels like the end of the world, i dunno why. it jus feels like, okay, mayb tmr is the day i'm gonna die. if it is, goodbye to all.
okay and here is sam going..
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
u know i missed YR just now
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
so i called him
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
and i made up an excuse saying that i needed help with knowing how to operate a washing machine.
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
then we hanged the phone
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
then i missed him again
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
so i messaged himand asked him why he sounded so sleepy on the phone
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
he replied saying that he had an arguement with his dad
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
because his dad wanted to go on an 8 day cycling trip with him
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
but he didn't want to waste 8 days when he only has 13 days of holiday
well sam, i think it's such a pity that you aren't trying. but looking at wat's happening, mayb it's good in a way that you are staying single. but watever it is, trish/evie/me can be your boyfriend you know. HAHA. errrr, okay, anyway YOU DON'T CALL HIM AND MAKE UP AN EXCUSE BOUT WASHING MACHINESE OKAY -.- #%^%&@$%#@$ at least make an effort to make up an excuse which is less lame can.
and what if you are not there to watch me leave?
how about what if i'm not there to watch you leave?
it occurred to me that, somtimes, we are jus being too self-centered. we only say
"i feel so ..."
"look what's happening to ME."
"this is how you treat ME."
"this is how you talk to ME."
what about other people? what about the other party? what about the people around you? what about them? have you ever thought of it? or were u just too busy thinking me me me me me me memememememe? i dunno bout you guys, but i realised that's something bout me. sometimes, i concentrate so much on how i feel and everything that i forget bout how the other party feels and wat other people thinks. negligence. the most sinful crime ever. alright watever, after all and all the shits, i'm jus feeling guilty haha. and, i'm not only talking bout john here, many other people. many other people. next time. paragraphs next time=)
abalone boy, I DUN YELP.haha
okay shit. i keep forgetting. tsk.
the next few days will be war. WAR WAR WAR.
tag replies.
thanks to all who tagged!
ryan - (: yeah thanks man. hope u're well and happy too. troubles are bad for health! special eh? u're always impacted to come here :D seeya ard!
anonymous - HELLO! HAHA. *winks.
darren - hello darrenmous. VERY FUNNY MEH? (:
hiangling - HI HIANGLING! hahaha yeah yeah i read your blog so i know! i love to eat also xD
huiwen - hello! i got it from my friend's blog :DDDDD
louis chua wang da - okay i dunno why but i jus have the tendency to spell ur whole name out *roll eyes. okay okay okay u impt u impt. haha. yes yes, i get your words. *winks.
sam - FINALLY YOU TAGGED $#%^&%^$@$#. YAH LAH OF COS I ROCK LAH. HAHAHAHAHA -.- love ya! seeing ur pretty face tmr hmm :D
i miss ryan. sorry abit random but i jus thought of ryan. that big brother figure. his advices. troubles are bad for health! (:
i'm so stuck with stories and movies or watever. this new book on the table my sis brought home jus caught my eye. argh, another family family story. haha.
jun.
love john :D
overwhelmed by this weird emptiness today. it's a feeling of being not loved and cared for. it's a feeling of idunnohowyoudescribeit. it's just this cold empty feeling, this feeling sucks, totally. anyway, i'm still fine, just slightly unstable i suppose. it's all because of this book that i'm reading. yeah, a book that so affected my mood today. wat anti-climax.
okay, rather random but the story is about child abuse. saddening shit. then i get so unbalance now, first i feel so cold and upset cos i was too engrossed in the story, then on the other hand when i snap back to reality, i compare and feel so loved, so just what am i feeling now? i dunno. it's mixed emotions. but it's just this weird feeling of unloved and cold. this feeling i've never felt before. never. it's that are-all-these-real? kinda feeling. i shut the book and the story away and i went to the living room for dinner. i looked at my dad, my mum, the food, i asked myself. are all these real? oh am i not blessed? i can feel this love for my mum, my dad and my life. though not perfect in any ways, not luxurious in any aspect, but i've got a good life. i've got lovely parents, wonderful sis, great friends, love, care&concern, food, warmth, everything a human being ever needed. i feel the love for my mum getting stronger nowadays. the pain and hardship she went through and is still going through. she never complains, she dun blame us, she cares and she that's what everybody feels bout their mother. HAH. loves. i'm not one who openly express my feelings that well, i've problems in verbal expression. but u know, i dun express or say anything, that doesnt mean i dun feel anything. normally, the stronger the feeling, the more difficult i find it to express/say. so, it's really kinda difficult if u were to ask me to really say out wat's troubling me. i'm much better at writing if you haven realised. i dunno? i'm sure everybody loves their mother. but sometimes i just feel my mum is so special, she's so different. mayb
there you go again, isn't it obvious enough?
feeling all deranged now. i think i shouldn't get so emotionally involved in movies and stories. it's really kinda bad for health. but it's nice in such a way that i can forget bout the rest of the world for that moment or so. it's nice.
tomorrow feels like the end of the world, i dunno why. it jus feels like, okay, mayb tmr is the day i'm gonna die. if it is, goodbye to all.
okay and here is sam going..
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
u know i missed YR just now
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
so i called him
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
and i made up an excuse saying that i needed help with knowing how to operate a washing machine.
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
then we hanged the phone
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
then i missed him again
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
so i messaged himand asked him why he sounded so sleepy on the phone
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
he replied saying that he had an arguement with his dad
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
because his dad wanted to go on an 8 day cycling trip with him
- тне вl ack ¹вu ттeя fly ³».x. -//: this beautiful melancholy, along a strange weeping shore. says:
but he didn't want to waste 8 days when he only has 13 days of holiday
well sam, i think it's such a pity that you aren't trying. but looking at wat's happening, mayb it's good in a way that you are staying single. but watever it is, trish/evie/me can be your boyfriend you know. HAHA. errrr, okay, anyway YOU DON'T CALL HIM AND MAKE UP AN EXCUSE BOUT WASHING MACHINESE OKAY -.- #%^%&@$%#@$ at least make an effort to make up an excuse which is less lame can.
and what if you are not there to watch me leave?
how about what if i'm not there to watch you leave?
it occurred to me that, somtimes, we are jus being too self-centered. we only say
"i feel so ..."
"look what's happening to ME."
"this is how you treat ME."
"this is how you talk to ME."
what about other people? what about the other party? what about the people around you? what about them? have you ever thought of it? or were u just too busy thinking me me me me me me memememememe? i dunno bout you guys, but i realised that's something bout me. sometimes, i concentrate so much on how i feel and everything that i forget bout how the other party feels and wat other people thinks. negligence. the most sinful crime ever. alright watever, after all and all the shits, i'm jus feeling guilty haha. and, i'm not only talking bout john here, many other people. many other people. next time. paragraphs next time=)
abalone boy, I DUN YELP.
okay shit. i keep forgetting. tsk.
the next few days will be war. WAR WAR WAR.
tag replies.
thanks to all who tagged!
ryan - (: yeah thanks man. hope u're well and happy too. troubles are bad for health! special eh? u're always impacted to come here :D seeya ard!
anonymous - HELLO! HAHA. *winks.
darren - hello darrenmous. VERY FUNNY MEH? (:
hiangling - HI HIANGLING! hahaha yeah yeah i read your blog so i know! i love to eat also xD
huiwen - hello! i got it from my friend's blog :DDDDD
louis chua wang da - okay i dunno why but i jus have the tendency to spell ur whole name out *roll eyes. okay okay okay u impt u impt. haha. yes yes, i get your words. *winks.
sam - FINALLY YOU TAGGED $#%^&%^$@$#. YAH LAH OF COS I ROCK LAH. HAHAHAHAHA -.- love ya! seeing ur pretty face tmr hmm :D
i miss ryan. sorry abit random but i jus thought of ryan. that big brother figure. his advices. troubles are bad for health! (:
i'm so stuck with stories and movies or watever. this new book on the table my sis brought home jus caught my eye. argh, another family family story. haha.
jun.
love john :D
please believe me again at 12:28 PM
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