Y
01 June 2006
01 June 2006
unsaid.
now i'm seated here in the study room, staring into a 20th century computer, listening to this music, smelling the rain, organizing flowing thoughts, feeling the books, enjoying peace.
so many thoughts.
the day before yesterday, i was in the school canteen trying to be emotional and irritating, hah. i saw some lower sec pupils playing captain's ball. they look like kids you know. they look like primary school kids. not trying to say they are all immature looking or what, but the way they ran, jumped, laughed and shouted, they reminded me of little kids. they looked so innocent, so pure, so little. i felt sad upon the thought that we've all lost the innocence in us. we're all no longer kids. we've grown up. we all have that materialistic, attitude, scheming, impure, complicated and sad side of us. we all have. nobody's innocent anymore. kids are kids. that innocent, that pure, that happy, that carefree. they dun care much bout stuffs like their image, or their face, their things, whether their stuffs are branded or not, whether their clothes are trendy enough, whether they are popular in school. they dun care, stuffs like that dun bother them. which is why everyone used to look damn kuku and nerdy or watever when they are in primary school. but when one grows up. you start to care alot bout whether u're well-liked by schoolmates, whether you're popular in school, you start to take note of your image, whether you look good, whether ur clothes are trendy, whether your stuffs are cool enough and the list goes on. we've all changed, over the days, months, years. we all changed. sad though, humans are like that. we tend to change in such a way we become greedy, materialistic, scheming, and whatsoever. how often do we look back and notice the changes in us? changes in what ways? good? or bad? some people, they change so much yet they do not know. when they know, it'd be devastating. depressing.
i was dying to find my old word bank book. yeah, that one i had in primary 5&6. the one Mr. Thiru made us do. that one with over eight hundred words inside. i can't find it. will go look for it later, i'm dying to just take a look at it. time to time, i get reminded of the word bank book and wants to see it. but often, i feel so lazy and shitty to go dig for it. the book brings back loads of memories. primary school memories. primary 5G & 6G will always be part of me. havent seen Mr. Thiru for quite a long time, hope he's alright after the operation. wonder whether he has grown any muscles he claims he will have after two years. he's the most humorous teacher i ever had. the most caring and the most capable teacher. ever. he was the one who united the class. he changed the attitude of the boys, he earned their respect, he gave me the confidence to work hard, he's the main reason why i topped the class throughout the two years, he made me believe i'm capable of good results, he had faith in me. and all of us. from what i can recall, primary school was all fun and happiness. even the most complicated problems then feels so funny now. all our inside jokes, those lessons, the G18/19/20/watever class, the people, the boys, the girls. all the scandals and rumours in school, our private corners, very own classroom, all the fun, joy and closeness. yeah, i guess, all these vanished altogether after graduation. but we still stay together in small groups, we do. me, sam, trish and evie are still the closest friends ever. closer than before. i dunno bout glen and jason, but seems like ethan and jovy are still rather close. for those who vanished from the surface of earth, they remain in our hearts then. glen leaving singapore soon i guess, hope we can have some get-together before he leaves for good. i dun want to think of the day evie leaves, sigh. just two people leaving, but i feel as if the whole group is breaking down totally. well, i dunno. even at sec four, i still think of the primary school days, wishing that i can be in primary school again, in that class with that teacher. again. again. well, no. i just miss them all.
$#%^&^$(*^*$^%%@ u know what happened last night? i was alone in the study room, doing my maths, uploading pictures and i heard this buzzzzzz sound. i was like, eeek wat sound is that it feels rather near. i turned ard to look and guess wat the shit i saw? there was this freaking brainless/irritating/idiotic/disgusting/psychotic/pervertic/fat/ugly/shitty COCKROACH ON MY BACK. that cockroach is bloody huge man i tell you. length of about 4,5 cm, with feelers as long as my finger can. u can imagine how i reacted. i was totally freaked. it scared the daylight out of me lah. eh, wth rite? i was having a peaceful and sane night alone in the study room, being good and trying to do my maths and that retarded creature came from godknowswhere and so stupidly decided to land on the only human being in the room. serve it right, look at what happens when u decide to land on a innocent girl's back when u're such a dirty disgusting creature. you get sprayed/hit/flattened//thrown/squashed/crushed. that's what will happen to you.
but then, my dad totally gave us attitude. my dad is just like that, he's that un-understanding. he always thinks that the whole world is just like him. he expect everybody to think the same way and act the same way as him. my dad, stubborn, inflexible. i admit the way my dad does things is right and beneficial. but everyone has their way of doing things. we all do things differently cos we think differently and we are all of different character. i dunno why my dad always fail to understand that. feeling all disgruntled, i fell silent and went to bathe. i dun like it when my dad behaves like that. i'm his daughter hello? THE SHITTY COCKROACH LANDED ON MY BACK OKAY, wat did he expect me to do? put on a brave front and clamly, in dramatic slow motion use a book to flatten the cockroach, and throw it away after that? when i was in the toilet, i heard my mum saying "even if it's me, i'd be scared too." the moment i hear that, i sort of understood why my dad and mum make such good husband and wife. my mum is the opposite of my dad man, seriously. she's understanding, she puts herself in other people's situation and try to understand how they feel. i think, many times, it's my mum who can make my dad understand, and see the WHOLE PICTURE. he has to understand that not everybody is like him, totally cool bout a cockroach landing on his back. wadever okay, it was just saddening.
wat's more saddening is that he went on to nag at me and my brother bout all the things we put ard the room. our organized chaos, or so we claims. i felt damn frustrated then. some other things added on so i ended up crying in the toilet for what felt like eternity. it was actually just 20minutes. hey, my house toilet is my crying place okay, nowhere else. returned to the study room to pack my bag and went to bed, dad continued nagging, i felt like crying more. forgot wat happened after that, only remembered that i kept waking up throughout the night. quite a few times. woke up at 6am in the morning. read some stuffs, decided to cry again, haha. well, i din decide to cry, it comes naturally of cos. i felt so emotionally unstable then, i guess the only reason i stopped crying was that i had to leave for school.
"i don't need all these. its enough."
the tears flow to follow.
rereading saddens me, bring tears to my eyes. i dun like the gaps in between people. whoever it is. i dun like it. i dunno how to explain this, but it's just that i feel there are gaps in between you and me. those unsaid words, those unexpressed thoughts. nobody knows. god knows. i dunno how many times this thing is gonna return to haunt me, i only know it just did again. when will it ever end? yes, i dun understand, i dun believe, i kicked up a big fuss before, i got angry before, i made decisions bout it before. it's still there. it will forever be there. life, my life.
i haven been behaving normal for the past few days. i'm positive it's my mood. just my mood. that's all, nth else. i'll be fine few days later, i believe. it's just my mood, i'm not like that. i dunno, i just dun feel good. even jokes are serious nowadays. everything is so tensed. where did those days of laughters and joy go to? where are all the smiles and fun? well, i dunno what happened but over time, this is what happens. obviously smth happened and all the happiness evaporated. but the thing is we dunno what happened. so?find out.
physics practical and chemistry practical again tomorrow. spare me. practical sessions yesterday were horrible. i was stupid to not know what they meant by "in line with the images of P1 and P2." , totally retarded, dunno how to connect the circuits. chemistry was so drama. i think our class alone broke 2000 test tubes and 2000 white tiles. i was trying to be irritating, overheating the ppt, so in the end it spurted out of the test tube, coloured the white tile yellow. i got a shock can -.- blockhead. and i dunno why, all the questions for chem practical looked so complicated and difficult. i dun want to imagine what's gonna happen during olevels practical. doom.
i sincerely hope the attitude of some people can change man. hello? you bloody hell failed chemistry like shit and u want to complain complain complain bout coming for extra lessons. so what do u want? u want an A1 for olevels chemistry and u want no lessons. carry your big fat dream and drown urself in a puddle please. retards. everybody else attend the additional lessons too, not only you. so shut your complaints to urself cos it's affecting people's mood and you're just being insensible. you dun even spare a thought for the teachers. many of the teachers have a few classes to teach, have the teachers ever complained? do they say stuffs like "i feel so sick man, i dun want to go for lessons." do u hear them saying stuffs like that? do you hear them saying "sian lor, i dun feel like teaching today." if the teachers are putting in so much effort to help us, trying so hard to push us up, what rights do you have to complain? who are you to complain huh? if you get straight A1s, complain all u want, at least it's more reasonable, well, if u're obviously failing every single subject, please shut up and start to change ur attitude. you want to continue like that, congratulations, you're the number one detesable creature on earth for u are insensible, inconsiderate and retarded.
you know what? you like to complain so much, i think you should just go kill yourself, so u dun have to lead this oh so sian so sickening life. go heaven and enjoy, go. that is if u can ever go to heaven. shitty insensible people. some of them even like to blame other people for what they are going through. blame the teacher, blame the government, blame this blame that. i think you should be grateful the teachers are not blaming you, yet u blame them instead. hey if u wanna blame, there's one person u can blame. that shitty face u see when u look into the beautiful mirror. u blame teachers for ur sucky results? why dun u blame urself? we all have to come back for so many lessons purely because our results are totally horrible. it's a fact, face it. the thing is we all did badly, we have no rights to complain bout additional lessons during this holiday. irritating nonsense.
all in all, we shouldn't complain so much bout stuffs like that, want those A1s? shut up bout whatever sian-ness and start working hard. be attentive in class, people. stay focus.
seems like everyone's keeping quiet. mayb i should too hmm.
you know. girls. they get so paranoid over little things. girls especially. girls like me especially. and i know, once the significance slip away, it'll never be back. never. i'm afraid.
u know, the attitude i gave everybody has disastrous effects.
it's not that i dun care anymore.
i'm just frustrated i cant help, and you cant too.
i dun like to think bout the consequences of such.
so i get frustrated.
if you know me well enough, just stick to the impression u have of me.
believe i'm still the jun i used to be.
i assure you i've never changed.
i'm still me.
it's just... my swinging mood.
2e2'06 class chalet tomorrow.
steamboat!
still love the great class 2e2(:
sister, if you're reading this, i have to express my unhappiness bout our brother. gaming should be banned yeah? it's totally no use trying to talk sense into him.
i guess i'm gonna pretend the cookies&cream ice cream is my bf.
i know this is really random, but i love nata de coco man. nata de coco yoghurt is bloody nice!
where is my aquarium huh?
alllllll these breaking down processes.
i really nit a break from the world.
yeah, i dunno you.
why would i ever?
end it all.
there's this sadness in me i can't break away from.
sadness.
so overwhelming i cry.
i'm dying to go and sit outside NLB, when?
feelings so sick now.
love,
jun.
missing the old crowd.
now i'm seated here in the study room, staring into a 20th century computer, listening to this music, smelling the rain, organizing flowing thoughts, feeling the books, enjoying peace.
so many thoughts.
the day before yesterday, i was in the school canteen trying to be emotional and irritating, hah. i saw some lower sec pupils playing captain's ball. they look like kids you know. they look like primary school kids. not trying to say they are all immature looking or what, but the way they ran, jumped, laughed and shouted, they reminded me of little kids. they looked so innocent, so pure, so little. i felt sad upon the thought that we've all lost the innocence in us. we're all no longer kids. we've grown up. we all have that materialistic, attitude, scheming, impure, complicated and sad side of us. we all have. nobody's innocent anymore. kids are kids. that innocent, that pure, that happy, that carefree. they dun care much bout stuffs like their image, or their face, their things, whether their stuffs are branded or not, whether their clothes are trendy enough, whether they are popular in school. they dun care, stuffs like that dun bother them. which is why everyone used to look damn kuku and nerdy or watever when they are in primary school. but when one grows up. you start to care alot bout whether u're well-liked by schoolmates, whether you're popular in school, you start to take note of your image, whether you look good, whether ur clothes are trendy, whether your stuffs are cool enough and the list goes on. we've all changed, over the days, months, years. we all changed. sad though, humans are like that. we tend to change in such a way we become greedy, materialistic, scheming, and whatsoever. how often do we look back and notice the changes in us? changes in what ways? good? or bad? some people, they change so much yet they do not know. when they know, it'd be devastating. depressing.
i was dying to find my old word bank book. yeah, that one i had in primary 5&6. the one Mr. Thiru made us do. that one with over eight hundred words inside. i can't find it. will go look for it later, i'm dying to just take a look at it. time to time, i get reminded of the word bank book and wants to see it. but often, i feel so lazy and shitty to go dig for it. the book brings back loads of memories. primary school memories. primary 5G & 6G will always be part of me. havent seen Mr. Thiru for quite a long time, hope he's alright after the operation. wonder whether he has grown any muscles he claims he will have after two years. he's the most humorous teacher i ever had. the most caring and the most capable teacher. ever. he was the one who united the class. he changed the attitude of the boys, he earned their respect, he gave me the confidence to work hard, he's the main reason why i topped the class throughout the two years, he made me believe i'm capable of good results, he had faith in me. and all of us. from what i can recall, primary school was all fun and happiness. even the most complicated problems then feels so funny now. all our inside jokes, those lessons, the G18/19/20/watever class, the people, the boys, the girls. all the scandals and rumours in school, our private corners, very own classroom, all the fun, joy and closeness. yeah, i guess, all these vanished altogether after graduation. but we still stay together in small groups, we do. me, sam, trish and evie are still the closest friends ever. closer than before. i dunno bout glen and jason, but seems like ethan and jovy are still rather close. for those who vanished from the surface of earth, they remain in our hearts then. glen leaving singapore soon i guess, hope we can have some get-together before he leaves for good. i dun want to think of the day evie leaves, sigh. just two people leaving, but i feel as if the whole group is breaking down totally. well, i dunno. even at sec four, i still think of the primary school days, wishing that i can be in primary school again, in that class with that teacher. again. again. well, no. i just miss them all.
$#%^&^$(*^*$^%%@ u know what happened last night? i was alone in the study room, doing my maths, uploading pictures and i heard this buzzzzzz sound. i was like, eeek wat sound is that it feels rather near. i turned ard to look and guess wat the shit i saw? there was this freaking brainless/irritating/idiotic/disgusting/psychotic/pervertic/fat/ugly/shitty COCKROACH ON MY BACK. that cockroach is bloody huge man i tell you. length of about 4,5 cm, with feelers as long as my finger can. u can imagine how i reacted. i was totally freaked. it scared the daylight out of me lah. eh, wth rite? i was having a peaceful and sane night alone in the study room, being good and trying to do my maths and that retarded creature came from godknowswhere and so stupidly decided to land on the only human being in the room. serve it right, look at what happens when u decide to land on a innocent girl's back when u're such a dirty disgusting creature. you get sprayed/hit/flattened//thrown/squashed/crushed. that's what will happen to you.
but then, my dad totally gave us attitude. my dad is just like that, he's that un-understanding. he always thinks that the whole world is just like him. he expect everybody to think the same way and act the same way as him. my dad, stubborn, inflexible. i admit the way my dad does things is right and beneficial. but everyone has their way of doing things. we all do things differently cos we think differently and we are all of different character. i dunno why my dad always fail to understand that. feeling all disgruntled, i fell silent and went to bathe. i dun like it when my dad behaves like that. i'm his daughter hello? THE SHITTY COCKROACH LANDED ON MY BACK OKAY, wat did he expect me to do? put on a brave front and clamly, in dramatic slow motion use a book to flatten the cockroach, and throw it away after that? when i was in the toilet, i heard my mum saying "even if it's me, i'd be scared too." the moment i hear that, i sort of understood why my dad and mum make such good husband and wife. my mum is the opposite of my dad man, seriously. she's understanding, she puts herself in other people's situation and try to understand how they feel. i think, many times, it's my mum who can make my dad understand, and see the WHOLE PICTURE. he has to understand that not everybody is like him, totally cool bout a cockroach landing on his back. wadever okay, it was just saddening.
wat's more saddening is that he went on to nag at me and my brother bout all the things we put ard the room. our organized chaos, or so we claims. i felt damn frustrated then. some other things added on so i ended up crying in the toilet for what felt like eternity. it was actually just 20minutes. hey, my house toilet is my crying place okay, nowhere else. returned to the study room to pack my bag and went to bed, dad continued nagging, i felt like crying more. forgot wat happened after that, only remembered that i kept waking up throughout the night. quite a few times. woke up at 6am in the morning. read some stuffs, decided to cry again, haha. well, i din decide to cry, it comes naturally of cos. i felt so emotionally unstable then, i guess the only reason i stopped crying was that i had to leave for school.
"i don't need all these. its enough."
the tears flow to follow.
rereading saddens me, bring tears to my eyes. i dun like the gaps in between people. whoever it is. i dun like it. i dunno how to explain this, but it's just that i feel there are gaps in between you and me. those unsaid words, those unexpressed thoughts. nobody knows. god knows. i dunno how many times this thing is gonna return to haunt me, i only know it just did again. when will it ever end? yes, i dun understand, i dun believe, i kicked up a big fuss before, i got angry before, i made decisions bout it before. it's still there. it will forever be there. life, my life.
i haven been behaving normal for the past few days. i'm positive it's my mood. just my mood. that's all, nth else. i'll be fine few days later, i believe. it's just my mood, i'm not like that. i dunno, i just dun feel good. even jokes are serious nowadays. everything is so tensed. where did those days of laughters and joy go to? where are all the smiles and fun? well, i dunno what happened but over time, this is what happens. obviously smth happened and all the happiness evaporated. but the thing is we dunno what happened. so?
physics practical and chemistry practical again tomorrow. spare me. practical sessions yesterday were horrible. i was stupid to not know what they meant by "in line with the images of P1 and P2." , totally retarded, dunno how to connect the circuits. chemistry was so drama. i think our class alone broke 2000 test tubes and 2000 white tiles. i was trying to be irritating, overheating the ppt, so in the end it spurted out of the test tube, coloured the white tile yellow. i got a shock can -.- blockhead. and i dunno why, all the questions for chem practical looked so complicated and difficult. i dun want to imagine what's gonna happen during olevels practical. doom.
i sincerely hope the attitude of some people can change man. hello? you bloody hell failed chemistry like shit and u want to complain complain complain bout coming for extra lessons. so what do u want? u want an A1 for olevels chemistry and u want no lessons. carry your big fat dream and drown urself in a puddle please. retards. everybody else attend the additional lessons too, not only you. so shut your complaints to urself cos it's affecting people's mood and you're just being insensible. you dun even spare a thought for the teachers. many of the teachers have a few classes to teach, have the teachers ever complained? do they say stuffs like "i feel so sick man, i dun want to go for lessons." do u hear them saying stuffs like that? do you hear them saying "sian lor, i dun feel like teaching today." if the teachers are putting in so much effort to help us, trying so hard to push us up, what rights do you have to complain? who are you to complain huh? if you get straight A1s, complain all u want, at least it's more reasonable, well, if u're obviously failing every single subject, please shut up and start to change ur attitude. you want to continue like that, congratulations, you're the number one detesable creature on earth for u are insensible, inconsiderate and retarded.
you know what? you like to complain so much, i think you should just go kill yourself, so u dun have to lead this oh so sian so sickening life. go heaven and enjoy, go. that is if u can ever go to heaven. shitty insensible people. some of them even like to blame other people for what they are going through. blame the teacher, blame the government, blame this blame that. i think you should be grateful the teachers are not blaming you, yet u blame them instead. hey if u wanna blame, there's one person u can blame. that shitty face u see when u look into the beautiful mirror. u blame teachers for ur sucky results? why dun u blame urself? we all have to come back for so many lessons purely because our results are totally horrible. it's a fact, face it. the thing is we all did badly, we have no rights to complain bout additional lessons during this holiday. irritating nonsense.
all in all, we shouldn't complain so much bout stuffs like that, want those A1s? shut up bout whatever sian-ness and start working hard. be attentive in class, people. stay focus.
seems like everyone's keeping quiet. mayb i should too hmm.
you know. girls. they get so paranoid over little things. girls especially. girls like me especially. and i know, once the significance slip away, it'll never be back. never. i'm afraid.
u know, the attitude i gave everybody has disastrous effects.
it's not that i dun care anymore.
i'm just frustrated i cant help, and you cant too.
i dun like to think bout the consequences of such.
so i get frustrated.
if you know me well enough, just stick to the impression u have of me.
believe i'm still the jun i used to be.
i assure you i've never changed.
i'm still me.
it's just... my swinging mood.
2e2'06 class chalet tomorrow.
steamboat!
still love the great class 2e2(:
sister, if you're reading this, i have to express my unhappiness bout our brother. gaming should be banned yeah? it's totally no use trying to talk sense into him.
i guess i'm gonna pretend the cookies&cream ice cream is my bf.
i know this is really random, but i love nata de coco man. nata de coco yoghurt is bloody nice!
where is my aquarium huh?
alllllll these breaking down processes.
i really nit a break from the world.
yeah, i dunno you.
why would i ever?
end it all.
there's this sadness in me i can't break away from.
sadness.
so overwhelming i cry.
i'm dying to go and sit outside NLB, when?
feelings so sick now.
love,
jun.
missing the old crowd.
please believe me again at 5:50 PM
FRIENDS
your classmate's blogs here should be put here
CREDITS
Designer-littleGREENman'
Main Image-rembrandt
Image-Gabatinie
Brushes-Angryblue
Brushes-elestrial
MESSAGES
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