Y
01 July 2006
01 July 2006
why is it like that now?
i can tell you this. i am not unhappy with anything. i am not against anything. i just wonder why aren't things going well at all. and the more i wonder, the more frustrated i get, and on the surface, it gives people the feeling i'm unhappy about a certain matter/person. it's not. i'm just upset that things aren't going well. or rather, the way i expected/want it. how?
i need the motivation. the absence of motivation makes the working process incomplete. because, in the first place, without motivation, i won't even work or anything. i will just waste my life away. one week has passed, what did i completed? nothing much. really nothing much. i swear i could have complete much more work than i did, but i just simply didn't. now, why? i'm not sure, i can't answer. because everything stopped? because there were "valid" reasons? because i slacked? because i got frustrated and allow myself to rot? oh, anyway, what have you completed?
and you said together.
look, i repeat. i am not blaming you, or me, or her, or them, or whoever there is available for me to blame. i am not blaming anyone or anything. i am just frustrated/upset/irritated by the fact that things didn't go the way i want it to. it did not.
and now time has slipped away, a week has passed, we can't turn back time and say let's do what we're supposed to do. over means over. a week is gone means a week is gone. i dunno whether other people feel like that, but my heart ache silently whenever i look at the date and realised we let time slipped away and we rotted our lives away. we're still not working hard.
not now then when?
i said this before. not now then when? i remember a teacher said smth like that before, "if you want to work hard, you start right at this moment, you don't waste even a second." i agree, totally. look, isn't it true that all of us give ourselves excuses and then waste our time, skip our work and etc etc? we always say..
"tomorrow."
"later."
"postpone."
"dun feel like doing. very sian."
"dunno how to do, so dun do first."
seriously, are these valid reasons? i really don't think so. why not you go out tomorrow? why not you play later? why not you postpone your outings/whateverwhatever so you can do your work? and the list of "valid" reasons goes on. and the "tomorrows." will repeat and repeat. and in the end? ask yourself.
not now then when? start working right at this moment.
you said together. i thought you meant together. i thought, but i dun see it. and i dun feel it. i need the motivation cos i seriously lack self-discipline most of the time. when i'm alone, i start to wheel around, molest the computer, walk in and out, look out the window, etc etc. when i'm alone. i'm not one who is easily distracted from my work, but i lack self-discipline. shit.
and i just feel so lost when i think about the amt of work not done. look, if this week is over, it means this week is over. do next week? what about next week's work then? you get what i mean? it's not the way to do it. you complete what is to be completed today. and not postpone it here and there. and when you realise you can't possibly finish so much at one go, you either regret or you give up.mayb you do.but i dun give up, i regret.
and that is what i'm doing right now.
and that is also why, i'm trying to do the mountainous pile of work i accumulated. even though it's totally insane. and something you won't do. because i dun give up on the doing, but i just get upset and regret about not doing them when i'm supposed to. alright, maybe i'm stupid or what, but to me, have to be completed simply means have to be completed. i really don't care whether i die doing or i get so frustrated with the amt of work that i kill myself. ( it's my fault that i didn't do it when i'm supposed to, anyway.) actually, what i'm trying to point out is, whatever happened to you, whether you fell into the drain/you were ditched/you were abused/you were moodless/you were pms-ing/whatever, those aren't excuses to not do your work. and if you let yourself go just like that, i can tell you this, you won't complete much at the end of the day. and maybe you did go on wondering why aren't your results better or why you still cant do those sums or whatever. well, simply because you didn't even do what you were supposed to. and to be frank, whose fault is that?
maybe you think my thinking is wrong, or what. but from my experience of regretting about stuffs like that, this is really the fact, if you are not determined to finish your work and you just go "nevermind lah." you won't complete anything at all. and for alot of times, that is what happened to me, i must say.
i'm repeating this for the third time. i am not blaming anybody or anything here for the absence of motivation. i am not saying it's your fault/whoever's fault. i am not saying you gave yourself "valid" reasons and you din complete your work now and i'm pissed about that. i am just upset that things didn't go the way i expected it to go. and i really dun want this to happen again and again, like it did. don't do this to me anymore.
i forgot what happened yesterday. i only remember that i rushed out of my house at 6 something and met john on the mrt, went to plaza singapura, planned to watch supermen but the queue was bloody long and the show already started, and i was so kuku, i thought for a moment 22:00pm is 9:00pm when its actually 10:00pm. den we went to the counter and said we want the 9:00pm tickets. and he told us there's no 9:00pm we were like huh? den we went off after saying we dun want to buy anymore cos 10:00pm was too late. then we realised 22:00pm is 10:00pm. HAH DUMB. den went to suntec instead to eat carl's jr. eh, i was so bloody full i thought for a moment that my stomach is gonna explode into million pieces. i still prefer the chicken club thingy i ate the previous time though. and i just love the carpet they have at the drink section. that one which i almost fell walking on. HAHA.
this is random, but you know what? sometimes you really just say and don't do.
today's maths lesson was good. i can do differentiation faster now eh, haha. did 20maths questions already, semi-satisfied.i'm supposed to do 40questions actually. i tell you this, the amaths tys irritate the hell out of me. it has like 20000000 wrong questions/answers. (as in the answers are wrong for the question, or the questions are wrong for the answers.) okay, i'm exaggerating cos i'm super irritated. waste my time man, did the question, got the answer, checks answer. WRONG. check my steps again. "correct what!" check again. "still correct." check again x 10000. okay, maybe can't do this way. did other methods. refer to notes/books. same answer as intially. TSSSSSSSSSSK SICK LAH THE BOOK. how i wish i can rip the book into 2000 pieces, burn it, flush it down the toilet and may it rot together with all the shits/cockroaches/whatever creatures there is in those pipes. IRRITATING.
oh, and i finally finished reading my sister's keeper by jobi picoult. (is that the correct spelling?) whoa, the ending is saddening man. what a pain. it's just saddening.
alright, chocolate day tomorrow. hope it'd be fun or at least, happy.
okay, i shall go do another 10 more questions or so for maths. and i really dread chinese homework even though i like the lessons and the teacher ):
don't do this to me anymore. time is merciless. time have arms. it is not limitless.
jun.
work the way i used to do.
i can tell you this. i am not unhappy with anything. i am not against anything. i just wonder why aren't things going well at all. and the more i wonder, the more frustrated i get, and on the surface, it gives people the feeling i'm unhappy about a certain matter/person. it's not. i'm just upset that things aren't going well. or rather, the way i expected/want it. how?
i need the motivation. the absence of motivation makes the working process incomplete. because, in the first place, without motivation, i won't even work or anything. i will just waste my life away. one week has passed, what did i completed? nothing much. really nothing much. i swear i could have complete much more work than i did, but i just simply didn't. now, why? i'm not sure, i can't answer. because everything stopped? because there were "valid" reasons? because i slacked? because i got frustrated and allow myself to rot? oh, anyway, what have you completed?
and you said together.
look, i repeat. i am not blaming you, or me, or her, or them, or whoever there is available for me to blame. i am not blaming anyone or anything. i am just frustrated/upset/irritated by the fact that things didn't go the way i want it to. it did not.
and now time has slipped away, a week has passed, we can't turn back time and say let's do what we're supposed to do. over means over. a week is gone means a week is gone. i dunno whether other people feel like that, but my heart ache silently whenever i look at the date and realised we let time slipped away and we rotted our lives away. we're still not working hard.
not now then when?
i said this before. not now then when? i remember a teacher said smth like that before, "if you want to work hard, you start right at this moment, you don't waste even a second." i agree, totally. look, isn't it true that all of us give ourselves excuses and then waste our time, skip our work and etc etc? we always say..
"tomorrow."
"later."
"postpone."
"dun feel like doing. very sian."
"dunno how to do, so dun do first."
seriously, are these valid reasons? i really don't think so. why not you go out tomorrow? why not you play later? why not you postpone your outings/whateverwhatever so you can do your work? and the list of "valid" reasons goes on. and the "tomorrows." will repeat and repeat. and in the end? ask yourself.
not now then when? start working right at this moment.
you said together. i thought you meant together. i thought, but i dun see it. and i dun feel it. i need the motivation cos i seriously lack self-discipline most of the time. when i'm alone, i start to wheel around, molest the computer, walk in and out, look out the window, etc etc. when i'm alone. i'm not one who is easily distracted from my work, but i lack self-discipline. shit.
and i just feel so lost when i think about the amt of work not done. look, if this week is over, it means this week is over. do next week? what about next week's work then? you get what i mean? it's not the way to do it. you complete what is to be completed today. and not postpone it here and there. and when you realise you can't possibly finish so much at one go, you either regret or you give up.
and that is what i'm doing right now.
and that is also why, i'm trying to do the mountainous pile of work i accumulated. even though it's totally insane. and something you won't do. because i dun give up on the doing, but i just get upset and regret about not doing them when i'm supposed to. alright, maybe i'm stupid or what, but to me, have to be completed simply means have to be completed. i really don't care whether i die doing or i get so frustrated with the amt of work that i kill myself. ( it's my fault that i didn't do it when i'm supposed to, anyway.) actually, what i'm trying to point out is, whatever happened to you, whether you fell into the drain/you were ditched/you were abused/you were moodless/you were pms-ing/whatever, those aren't excuses to not do your work. and if you let yourself go just like that, i can tell you this, you won't complete much at the end of the day. and maybe you did go on wondering why aren't your results better or why you still cant do those sums or whatever. well, simply because you didn't even do what you were supposed to. and to be frank, whose fault is that?
maybe you think my thinking is wrong, or what. but from my experience of regretting about stuffs like that, this is really the fact, if you are not determined to finish your work and you just go "nevermind lah." you won't complete anything at all. and for alot of times, that is what happened to me, i must say.
i'm repeating this for the third time. i am not blaming anybody or anything here for the absence of motivation. i am not saying it's your fault/whoever's fault. i am not saying you gave yourself "valid" reasons and you din complete your work now and i'm pissed about that. i am just upset that things didn't go the way i expected it to go. and i really dun want this to happen again and again, like it did. don't do this to me anymore.
i forgot what happened yesterday. i only remember that i rushed out of my house at 6 something and met john on the mrt, went to plaza singapura, planned to watch supermen but the queue was bloody long and the show already started, and i was so kuku, i thought for a moment 22:00pm is 9:00pm when its actually 10:00pm. den we went to the counter and said we want the 9:00pm tickets. and he told us there's no 9:00pm we were like huh? den we went off after saying we dun want to buy anymore cos 10:00pm was too late. then we realised 22:00pm is 10:00pm. HAH DUMB. den went to suntec instead to eat carl's jr. eh, i was so bloody full i thought for a moment that my stomach is gonna explode into million pieces. i still prefer the chicken club thingy i ate the previous time though. and i just love the carpet they have at the drink section. that one which i almost fell walking on. HAHA.
this is random, but you know what? sometimes you really just say and don't do.
today's maths lesson was good. i can do differentiation faster now eh, haha. did 20maths questions already, semi-satisfied.
oh, and i finally finished reading my sister's keeper by jobi picoult. (is that the correct spelling?) whoa, the ending is saddening man. what a pain. it's just saddening.
alright, chocolate day tomorrow. hope it'd be fun or at least, happy.
okay, i shall go do another 10 more questions or so for maths. and i really dread chinese homework even though i like the lessons and the teacher ):
don't do this to me anymore. time is merciless. time have arms. it is not limitless.
jun.
work the way i used to do.
please believe me again at 12:17 AM
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