Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
24 September 2004

it's so nice to be back..
online.
it's been so long
since i've ever touch a keyboard!
ahahas..
lots of things had happened
but now
sitting here in front of the com
nothing seems to be flowing back into my mind
can't recalled anything that had happened
O dear` =O lolx

And wad now
i've left my phone in the stupid sci lab!
why in the world mus i take it out and put in the drawer??!
grrr...
smsed j.x but wad luck i had
they din switch on their phone
even after hcl lesson!
tat's really weird
realli weird!
one. i've nvr ever put my phone in the sci lab's drawer before
and two. j.x will usually switch their phone on again aft hcl lesson
but why todae and why not todae?!
O somebodi
please keep me in prayers
O please help..somebodi~ *cries*
tat was realli dumb of me !
fancy putting my phone under the drawer
when i clearly know that such a forgetful and careless gerl lik me
will definitely and SURELY wipe this matter clean from my mind!
tat's so stupid, esther-REE !!
grrrrr~
there's nth i can do now
except to pray hard that it'll still be there when i go to skool tmr.
O please..
dun let one of my worst nightmare come true..no~
please..

This week wasn't really special or whatsoever
felt kinda depressed too
i dunno why
i jus feel that
somehow i've reach the end of my life
it seems as though i can't move a step forward anymore
and getting back my recent test results was even more disappointing and depressing
it cuts me realli deeply knowing what i've actualli done to myself
...and knowing how badly i've ruin my life
the results seem to be telling me that ..
it's no use working hard nimore
no matter how hard or how much effort you've put in to acheive a good grade
it's no point.
cos you'll owas be below the rest

i'm jus a useless gerl..
i seem to realise dis week
i dun deserve to compare myself with my frens
they're smart
and im not
that is all i noe and realise dis week
i dun haf much confidence now
dun haf much confidence now fer my EOY...
...anymore.
the person i need now ish not here with me
cos she's far far away
now, at this moment
i wanted to be strong
and i thought i could
but now...
my heart feels so weak and depressed
and all i wanted to do know
ish get home and..
cry myself out..

keep on going, my frens
deep in my heart
i noe all of you deserve what you should be deserving
yet me,
i deserved none.
go on without me, my frens
you know who you are
cos im jus a useless gerl
jus a hopeless.
keep on acheiving what all of you want, my frens
and i'll be happy.

ther

please believe me again at 8:18 AM