Y
19 September 2004
19 September 2004
Tears.
sTraWneSs +
sobs*
mayb its time i start slapping myself. hurrs. dunno wth is wrong with me. mayb its my fault. but i just cant help it and cant control it. i'm just not getting things i want and im unhappy. hurrs. i know. i know im freaking out and irritating everyone in the world. but what can i do? i've had enough for this week and i dunno y i still feel liddat. mayb someone ald have enough of me.
yawns* so ? i still have to say. im unhappy means im unhappy and i dun wanna hide. after all, if anybody cant stand me, he/she can just go away from me. and i will say nth bout it. who to blame? its me. and nobody else's business. at least i can live without internal injuries. hurrs. mayb for these years, i've been hiding too much. hiding my feelings and thoughts. hiding too much even to now i cant stand myself.
pity pity. pity those who are closest to me. hate me if u want. i cant say anything if u hate me. my feelings and thoughts are just accomodating. up till now its exploding. i've never cry in front of anybody since primary two. and that is certainly smth i cant hold on to for long. mayb its good i can finally show my feelings and thoughts to others. but mayb i still dunno how. sounds funny eh ? at the age of fourteen i still dunno how to express myself in proper ways. all thanks to me. im one who dun show my troubles or feelings to ppl easily. and that's for fourteen years ald.
hmmms. perhaps its really all my fault. communication is the key and i know it. but im just too arrogent to tell anybody my troubles. i've tried digging into other ppl's inner heart and try to understand them. but i dunno y i feel that nobody has done that to me before. so in simple words, mayb nobody understands me. or mayb i should say nobody understands me enough.
stares blankly*
but mayb. mayb i myself dun even understand myself. what do i exactly want and why do i feel dis way. i dunno. i dunno whats wrong with me and why i often freak out without valid reasons. but i suppose its all link to my feelings and my opinions. i've always hide my anger and unhappiness bout things for fear that ppl might disagree with me. i want security. but i dunno how to get security. and this is when i start expressing my feelings in inproper ways which i guess... irritates certain ppl. and i dunno what to say. i wanna say sorrie but i guess im just too arrogent to do that. and when i say arrogent i mean REAL arrogent. arrogentness. lolx.
haiz. so sorrie ppl. whoever i offended for the past few years. lolx. haRx.
guess i said too much le. haiz. yawns* gonna stop crappin' here. bye guys.
takaire and good luck in exams !! =D
"@....
sobs*
mayb its time i start slapping myself. hurrs. dunno wth is wrong with me. mayb its my fault. but i just cant help it and cant control it. i'm just not getting things i want and im unhappy. hurrs. i know. i know im freaking out and irritating everyone in the world. but what can i do? i've had enough for this week and i dunno y i still feel liddat. mayb someone ald have enough of me.
yawns* so ? i still have to say. im unhappy means im unhappy and i dun wanna hide. after all, if anybody cant stand me, he/she can just go away from me. and i will say nth bout it. who to blame? its me. and nobody else's business. at least i can live without internal injuries. hurrs. mayb for these years, i've been hiding too much. hiding my feelings and thoughts. hiding too much even to now i cant stand myself.
pity pity. pity those who are closest to me. hate me if u want. i cant say anything if u hate me. my feelings and thoughts are just accomodating. up till now its exploding. i've never cry in front of anybody since primary two. and that is certainly smth i cant hold on to for long. mayb its good i can finally show my feelings and thoughts to others. but mayb i still dunno how. sounds funny eh ? at the age of fourteen i still dunno how to express myself in proper ways. all thanks to me. im one who dun show my troubles or feelings to ppl easily. and that's for fourteen years ald.
hmmms. perhaps its really all my fault. communication is the key and i know it. but im just too arrogent to tell anybody my troubles. i've tried digging into other ppl's inner heart and try to understand them. but i dunno y i feel that nobody has done that to me before. so in simple words, mayb nobody understands me. or mayb i should say nobody understands me enough.
stares blankly*
but mayb. mayb i myself dun even understand myself. what do i exactly want and why do i feel dis way. i dunno. i dunno whats wrong with me and why i often freak out without valid reasons. but i suppose its all link to my feelings and my opinions. i've always hide my anger and unhappiness bout things for fear that ppl might disagree with me. i want security. but i dunno how to get security. and this is when i start expressing my feelings in inproper ways which i guess... irritates certain ppl. and i dunno what to say. i wanna say sorrie but i guess im just too arrogent to do that. and when i say arrogent i mean REAL arrogent. arrogentness. lolx.
haiz. so sorrie ppl. whoever i offended for the past few years. lolx. haRx.
guess i said too much le. haiz. yawns* gonna stop crappin' here. bye guys.
takaire and good luck in exams !! =D
"@....
please believe me again at 5:58 AM
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