sorry but i don't know what.

what do you do when you get ignored totally?

what do you do when you get ignored totally and you really dunno because of what?

let me teach you. you sit there and get ignored and you shut up.

yeah, shut up is really the key to this thing. it just occured to me. i mean, come on lah. if you think you tried your best showing your concern and you are so not gonna get anything out of it and everything just turns out to be shit in the end, hah! why bother?

hey, i know too well that i do that to people alllllllllll the time so you know what? i have no rights to point my fingers at others and say %^$&**^$^3 or @%$&^$%^@$.

so? i should just shut up.

anyway, having always behaving like that, it's kinda good cos somehow it helps me in understanding how the other party who is ignoring me feels. despite the fact that i don't know what exactly is happening or what exactly happened. oh well. today is a sunny day rite? hah.

it sure is.

you know, even if its raining cats and dogs, it can be a sunny day too, it's up to you to think. this has something to do with perspective. alot of things too. it has something to do with perspective, really. oh god. i really dunno what am i talking bout. hah, whatever.

whoa! here's to unknown(:

YES YES. i'm a perfectionist, how do you know? HAH. yeah, i think it's the way i see things too, i agree. perspective yeah? about "if you feel like being rude den be it" well, i beg to differ. technically speaking, being rude... is wrong. yeah? i mean, when is being rude ever right? and it's not any tom, dick or harry that i'm talking about. it was my boyfriend's friend you see. it is wrong of me to be rude. just because i was feeling the attitude or just because i was frustrated does not mean that i can be rude when people are nice and smiling, saying hi to me.

actually, i don't really care about the image that i portray to others. you asked me to let all that i have done go, but actually, the thing is, it is not only the things that i have done. it is the things that i am STILL doing. hah, get it? this thing never ends. it is something complicated, rather. and it is actually about something that i haven't mentioned at all. yeah, it's not that simple. it's not about my mood or anything. it is about something. yeah, i will focus on enjoying my life and all. not now then when? (: and well, the problem is not with others, generally speaking. the problem is sort of with me. it is a fact. it is my problem. yeah i agree about why bother to solve the problem when there is no problem to solve. but the thing is there is a problem yeah. it is not anything serious or complicating or what. but it is a fact that a problem exists. this problem, is that thing that i haven't mentioned at all. i didn't mentioned it, so i guess that gave you the idea that there isn't any problem. well, there is.

duh, i have a choice, whether to examine myself and find all the bad stuffs bout me and get depressed and whatever whatever. i have a choice. i know. but i guess it is just me to be like that. because, when i see that there is a problem, obviously i will try to find out what is the problem and how to solve it, right? i don't just sit there and do nothing. so when it comes to the point where i realised the problem lies in me, i tend to point out all the bad things bout myself and define that as the problem. yeah, i do that. maybe that is wrong, i dunno? but i guess that is my natural reaction. well, i do identify the good stuffs that i've done though, i don't say it does not mean that i don't know it yeah. haha. and, i was rude not really because i was frustrated with myself, yeah it has something to do with my mood at that time. i wasn't in a good mood. but it was partly because of some other reasons too. i can be really nice even though i am in a bad mood you know. it depends(:

you said i think too much. YEAH EXACTLY LAH. haha, i know that i think too much sometimes. but i've no choice but to think about it rite? or else, what's gonna happen? the problem jus remains there and there forever. and i just ignore it totally? that's not the way. so my natural reaction will be to find out and think bout it. okay, i am trying to relax nowadays, haha, i admit i do things by my feelings sometimes. but most of the time, people do wrong things because of that. i dunno? that's wat i think. everything we do, we've got to think rite? we don't just do it just because we feel like doing it. so, sometimes i think so much bout what i've got to do is because i don't want to do the wrong things. or say the wrong stuffs. my actions not only concerns me, it concerns other people. it affects other people. so, i've got to think when i act. or i'd affect other people badly. those people who are involved, that is. some problem will be solved after some time? HEY I AGREE WITH THAT. sometimes we just look back and realise, those problems that we had, it sorta just dissolved away by itself. haha, funny rite? i agree that some things will be okay after some time. and i'm beginning to believe that the problem i'm having will be gone too after some time. maybe like two years or something? it will.

it is how we feel that makes us different from others, so true eh? (: yeah, so i guess i'm different in such a way that i'm attitude and so. HAHA. okay, but i believe we have to control our feelings too, or things may just get out of hand you see. hmm, okay, i get your point about i should be the person i really am, not the person whom i want to be. but what i think is, it's my thinking that has to be changed. not really my character as a whole. i won't change myself totally, how to? how can? haha. but i've got to learn to accept some things, some people. and change my thinking to look at things from another way, or just, being more understanding to other people. that is what i've got to change. that's wat i meant. get it? (: when i said i've got to change, i don't really mean change myself. i meant, improve, be more understanding about such problems, and learn to accept some things and all, because the truth is, i haven't really been understanding and all. and oh, okay, i admit. i actually WANT to torture myself. and it is not subconsciously. i do so consciously. maybe torture is a word too strong to use in this case, but i couldn't find another suitable word. HAHA. what i meant was, just plainly doing things that will tire myself out, make myself feel rotty, shitty and all. most of the time i just tend to tire myself out as a result. it is a way i vent my frustrations. i do it to vent my frustrations. like how some people in drama shows vent their frustrations by doing work and doing non-stop. rite? haha. yeah, that's wat i do sometimes. but it's good in a way cos i complete my work as a result. hahahahahaha. but bout the exhaustion part, bad for health i know, but i guess it's okay, i don't have much chance to do things as such. HAH.

anyway, i really wonder who are you. and i guess it's either you know me or you've read quite some of my posts hmmm? judging by the fact that you mentioned sunflower. and whether i agree with you or not, thanks for your honest opinions! sometimes, it is through others' opinions that we learn and improve, really.

you voiced your views and the above is mine. i hope it's not too naggy/long-winded though xD

i don't think i'm gonna bring my phone out today. i guess i'll be in the sea or something if that is what the co committee has planned. okay that is some sort of excuse but it is a partially valid reason. well, why bring?

and here i am feeling rather... somewhat hurt/deperssed/confused/lost/totally ignored/dunnohowtodescribe. oh well, who cares. maybe i can go and drown myself in the sea later.

vcdddddddddddddddd time! :DDD

jun.

recalling old times.